Dori Durbin: [00:00:00] Welcome to That's Good Parenting, the podcast that searches for simple steps to reduce your parenting stress.

Dori Durbin: I'm your host, Dorrie Durbin, children's book illustrator, book coach, and podcaster. I help experts kid-size their content into children's books families can enjoy long after this podcast is over. As parents, we really want our kids to feel safe, supported, and understood.

Dori Durbin: Sometimes, though, the challenges our families face go deeper than what we as parents can see on the surface. Today, I'm joined by Stephanie McAllister, a trauma counselor and founder of Virtual Connect

Dori Durbin: a counseling clinic helping people across Canada and access mental health support.

Dori Durbin: Today, we're exploring what Stephanie has learned through her work with trauma and families, what parents may not recognize about their children's emotional needs, and how finding the right support can really make a big difference. So Stephanie, welcome to That's Good Parenting. 

Stephanie McAlister: Thank you so much for having me on your show.

Stephanie McAlister: I'm very excited to get into things. 

Dori Durbin: Me too. You live in a [00:01:00] world that I, I have, you know, we were just talking about kindergarten. Yeah. I can barely handle kindergartners. You're in a world that I think of, like, really is a struggle for people, and it would be tough to be on the other side advising them.

Dori Durbin: You've built your career around trauma, emotional challenges, difficult life experiences, and I know that that kind of work really, um, it requires compassion. Mm-hmm. But you also have a really unique perspective on people's strength and resilience, too. So let me ask you, Stephanie, what first drew you into counseling, and what keeps you in this space?

Stephanie McAlister: Great question. I'm gonna start, 'cause this is one of my favorite things, and clients say this all the time, um, you give the best advice. Counselors never give you advice. Uh, we feed you back what you say. That's why it seems like the best advice. Um, what drew me into the field? So honestly, I was one of those really weird people who always knew what I wanted to do.

Stephanie McAlister: Um, I always knew I wanted to be a counselor from a very young age. Um, and [00:02:00] so yeah, I obviously went forward with it. Um, I first started getting into, uh, counseling in terms of, like, domestic violence and abuse counseling, and so focused on a lot of trauma counseling there. Um, and then proceeded forward to go into, like, a private practice clinic, worked at a group practice, and then obviously ultimately started my own.

Stephanie McAlister: And in the midst of all of this, I've worked, um, in different research labs and focusing on different areas of research along the way. So, um, yeah, there's been a multitude, multitude of different things. But what keeps me going, I think, is- Honestly, I feel like this is such a corny, corny comment, but, um, I got nothing else, um, is the clients and the people and the relationships you build.

Stephanie McAlister: Like, I have some clients I've been working with for my entire career literally. Um, and so I think that you really, you learn so much about them and you're, you're kind of in the sideline there, like rooting for them and cheering them on [00:03:00] and hoping that like, yes, this is all working out, and it's so... I view it as such a great privilege to be able to have people trust you and to feel comfortable sharing things with you and, you know, being there for the high highs and the low lows.

Stephanie McAlister: Um, and yeah, I think that it's, it's a great, it's a great job. I, I love it. So there we go. I mean, yes, there's challenges, and yes, you hear hard things. That is definitely a reality. Um, but I think all the positives really outweigh that 

Dori Durbin: Yeah. I, I love that you're passionate about it because, like I said, I think it would be something that mentally could be exhausting for somebody.

Dori Durbin: And, and to have that passion and see progression for people has to be really encouraging, um, as a counselor in that spot. So if- Totally ... I remember right, you started really doing the virtual part of this during the pandemic because people were reaching out to you, friends, family, were like, "Hey, Stephanie," you know, "help me out," [00:04:00] right?

Dori Durbin: Is that kind of how things started for you? 

Stephanie McAlister: Yeah. So, uh, kind of a bit of a combination. So I started as a counselor, um, kind of at the very beginning of COVID. And I think, I don't, it wasn't even a month, I think it was three weeks I was working at the nonprofit. And then we weren't allowed to do it in person anymore, and so people started virtual counseling.

Stephanie McAlister: And so I think it was just, like, what I was comfortable with. It's what I kind of went with. It was what, um, we just kind of did, 'cause we didn't have an option. And then I think twofold here. So on one hand, um, we did that, and then obviously once things had changed and people were allowed to come back in person, I found that so many clients really hated the virtual.

Stephanie McAlister: And I mean, I think when it wasn't an option, people are kind of like, "Oh, I don't really wanna do this," but it wasn't a choice. Um, but so many people would come for, like, one appointment, and then they would never come back again. And I always thought it was so funny... Or sorry, like, not never come back again, but they would go back to virtual.

Stephanie McAlister: They would, they would do the one in person, and then they were kind of like, [00:05:00] "Uh, you know what? Like, I can do this from home. I don't have to, like, get dressed. I don't have to go somewhere. Um, this is a lot easier." And so I found that a lot of people really loved the virtual thing. And then, yeah, so my company, Virtual Connect, was founded, um, a couple years after that.

Stephanie McAlister: I had got some clinical experience myself. I'd worked in another group practice, and then founded the company. And I think the idea of a virtual cross-Canada counseling clinic, the idea was to make things easy, to make things easy, seamless, um, and to give people kind of a one place that they can come, come to and get paired with a counselor and get connected.

Stephanie McAlister: And yeah, the front element came in there. I had some people asking me, like, "Hey, like, if I wanna see a counselor, like, where do I start?" Um, and as someone who'd been in the field, I was kind of like, "Oh, you look here, here, and here, and look for these things, and you're good." Um, and then it kind of, like, made me realize, like, oh, maybe this isn't as seamless as I think [00:06:00] because, you know, I obviously know what you'd look for in a counselor.

Stephanie McAlister: I, I am a counselor. Um, and so yeah, a lot of the premise of my company was founded on this idea of, like, really making things easy and making things seamless, making things accessible. 

Dori Durbin: I love it. Oh, uh, and I think, you know, when you really are stressed out and you, you have things that you're kind of wrestling with- Uh, uh, something as comfortable as being into your own comfortable chair, your own comfortable sweats you know?

Dori Durbin: I mean, it, it just adds to that, like, "Okay, I can do this." You're not driving somewhere, trying to get fixed up, you know. And I think when you're in that s- that head space, it just makes it that much easier to put the effort into it, right? 

Stephanie McAlister: Absolutely, 100%. And like, yeah, I think that comfortability piece is so, so nice.

Stephanie McAlister: And like, also, I think like, I mean, it's become a lot more well-liked and common, the whole working from home thing. I think people realize, like, it is a [00:07:00] decent amount of effort to, like, get up, get ready, get to an office. Um, and like in that time period, you can be doing work, right, that you would typically be packing a lunch or...

Stephanie McAlister: And I mean, again, I'm super biased because obviously I work remotely. I love it. Um, it doesn't work for everybody, and I do acknowledge that. And virtual counseling doesn't work for everyone, and, and that's okay, right? I think that, um, knowing what fits for you is, is the most important part. 

Dori Durbin: I love that. You know, it's interesting, too.

Dori Durbin: So you really focus in on the trauma piece of things. Yeah. So you're working for other people just... You're working on experiences that probably still are affecting people in their daily lives, and they may or may not know what those traumas were. True? 

Stephanie McAlister: Yeah. Yeah. I think absolutely. I think we don't, um...

Stephanie McAlister: And it is hard, right? Sometimes we don't realize, like, these events actually had an impact on how I'm showing up and how I'm dealing with life, right? 

Dori Durbin: Mm-hmm. Yeah. I [00:08:00] think that's especially true, like, with families who have kids. Mm-hmm. You know, because you see them, uh, like they might be fine at home. Who knows?

Dori Durbin: I'm not blaming schools by any means, but there's a lot that happens in their, their school day. It's a long day. Sure. There's a long time in between the time that you see them even be- you know, like, on their way to school or after school or at practice. Like, there's all these different elements that we might not realize.

Dori Durbin: So one of the things I wondered was for, for families, especially for parents, what have you learned about trauma that you wish more parents understood about trauma? 

Stephanie McAlister: Ooh, that's a good question. One of my personal favorite quotes, and, and maybe this isn't as relevant for little kids, but for older kids and at a certain point, we can't blame our parents.

Dori Durbin: Mm. 

Stephanie McAlister: And I think that goes twofold. One, that goes from, okay, as a parent, I think when we're able to recognize, like, you did the best you could with what you were able to, right? And I think there is this, like, guilt that sometimes comes like, oh, wow, like, I, [00:09:00] I wish I did... Like, we... It's so easy to look back and be like, I wish I did this.

Stephanie McAlister: I wish I did that. Um, but also as a kid, right? To be like, okay, at a certain point, like, I can't blame my parents for everything. I gotta take some ownership, take some responsibility and move forward. Um, and I think that that is very powerful, um, a little controversial, um, and helpful though, right? It's like you...

Stephanie McAlister: I, I like to believe the saying people do the best they can with what they're able to until they know better, and I mean, that's very relevant for parents, right? Like, people don't come with guidebooks, unfortunately. 

Dori Durbin: Much easier? Yeah. 

Stephanie McAlister: Yeah, seriously. 

Dori Durbin: Well, and I think there's a, a big change. I mean, I'm, I'm not a counselor, but I feel like when I've- Mm-hmm

Dori Durbin: known people who have been stuck in kind of like that trauma replay- Mm-hmm ... like when they see that it's w- like what the cause is and then they actually see how to work through it- Mm-hmm ... there's like a change on their control over their whole life. Like, it's [00:10:00] such a difference. Um- Yeah ... and I feel like with the trauma counseling that you especially see that the traumas affect people differently in how they, they experience those, those situations.

Dori Durbin: Like, whether it's painful, embarrassing, you know, uh, trauma can appear in so many different emotional forms, right? 

Stephanie McAlister: Absolutely. And I, and I think that, I like that we're getting into, like, how this appears, right? Because, like, trauma is essentially an event, right? And like I think the reactions to trauma is what really affects people, right?

Stephanie McAlister: Is like what, how does that show up in your life? How does this impact the way that you think? How does this impact your relationships, the people you interact with, um, different elements of your life? How does this, how does this show up for you, right? And I think that that is the part that can be, um, kind of the most challenging.

Dori Durbin: Yeah. I was thinking about, um, some of the traumatic experiences for people that I know have been, th- they've been traumatic enough that people don't feel [00:11:00] safe. They feel like they can't trust. They feel like any connection is very tentative. 

Stephanie McAlister: Yeah. 

Dori Durbin: And so, like in your experience, what kinds of trauma or emotional experiences can be some of the most difficult ones to work through?

Stephanie McAlister: So I always like to say trauma and the most difficult is a very individual thing, and, and I'll give this example. Um, a lot of trauma is the narrative that we've told ourself about the situation, and that has an impact on us, right? So I'm gonna use a very simplistic example, and that is if you and I were both in a car accident, and you kind of saw the car coming and you were like, "Yep, we're gonna hit them, but, like, it's gonna be a fender bender.

Stephanie McAlister: We're gonna walk away. We're gonna be fine." Um, maybe I was driving and I wasn't paying attention, and I looked up and I saw this car coming at us, and I was like, "Oh my God, my life's over." Um, we're gonna walk away from that situation, and we're gonna have very different experiences, right, of the impact. You might be like, "Yeah, it sucked.

Stephanie McAlister: I got some neck pain." Um, whereas I might be like, "Wow, I thought, I thought my life was over." Um, and that's [00:12:00] gonna have a much more profound impact. And so I think when we think about trauma, I don't know that it's fair or possible to say, like, these specific situations lead to this, um, because it's more so what is the story, what is the narrative that you've told yourself about this event?

Stephanie McAlister: Um, and that tends to play a big impact on people. 

Dori Durbin: That's such a good example. I, I love that example because I think when you... I was thinking, I would be the one sitting, drawing on my iPad, not paying any attention at all, and think I was gonna drive. Yes. You know, but other people, you know, like you said, your perspective is so different, um, depending on what you already have experienced, what you're seeing happening, um, you know, where you are in the moment kind of thing.

Dori Durbin: So that's really interesting. And so, I think actually that kind of leads into my next question, because one thing in my job as a children's book coach is that I hear experts talk about parents who are struggling with angry, defiant, withdrawn kids [00:13:00] who can't verbally express what they're feeling. Mm-hmm.

Dori Durbin: So even from your perspective, what is, like, what is some of the things that... And I know this is very broad, but what could be going on underneath? Mm-hmm. And it's not just anger, defiance, withdrawal. Like, there's, there's actually some trauma that maybe parents don't even realize. 

Stephanie McAlister: Well, I think that, um, even, like, aside from trauma, I think when we think about, like, emotional regulation, a lot of ki- like, that's part of it, right?

Stephanie McAlister: Kids don't know how to emotionally regulate. Um, and again, like, when we go back to the narrative, right, something that you're like, "This is not a big deal," um, is a big deal in their little world. And it can be hard, right? It's like, "Oh, man," like, "I didn't get the toy I really wanted." And as an adult, you're kind of like, "This is not, this is not deal-breaking.

Stephanie McAlister: This is not a big deal." But for them, it's like, this is such a big element of their lives. And I think that having that recognition of, like, children's experiences are different, right? Children's [00:14:00] experiences as well as, um, like, how they interpret events, how they process things, how they deal with things- Yeah

Stephanie McAlister: um, is gonna be so much different than an adult. And, um, also, like, that whole element of, like, they're working through their emotional regulation, right? 

Dori Durbin: Yeah. And actually, I mean, it's so complex because, again, it depends on their ages what they're capable of really- Mm ... understanding, and yeah. Um, w- it's, it's interesting 'cause as I asked that question, I thought, "Well, it all depends.

Dori Durbin: It all depends," you know? Like- 

Stephanie McAlister: Yes, yes ... 

Dori Durbin: there's no clear answers inside of it. But, 

Stephanie McAlister: but- If there's one... Oh, sorry, go ahead. If there's one thing, um, I feel like counseling and especially just, like, us having some time on these podcasts, I've realized I have no answers. It's all gray area. It's all explanations.

Stephanie McAlister: It's like, I'm sorry, there's no, like, cut and dry. But I mean, if we think about it, like, from a humanistic perspective, of course there's not [00:15:00] answers, right? Like, I think we all want, like, a very easy, like, X equals Y and then this, and this is what you do, and life would be simple. It's kind of like that, um, super random analogy about, like, coming from being an entrepreneur.

Stephanie McAlister: It's like, "Oh, yeah, I'm gonna run my own company, um, so that I don't have someone tell me what to do." And then it's like, actually, now I pay people to tell me what to do because I want that. Mm. Um, and so I feel like it's similar in a weird way to, like, having kids, right? It's like can you tell me- How do I understand this?

Stephanie McAlister: How do I interpret this? And it's always a gray area. 

Dori Durbin: Yeah. That's... I love that example too, just because I think that w- it, it does, it seems like there should be a straight line, and we always want the quickest, easiest fix. Um- Yes ... but I'm sure with trauma especially, there's so many layers that it's, it's not- Oh, yeah

Dori Durbin: a easy fix. So- Yeah ... so one of my questions too is, um, I know you don't typically counsel just the kids, but- Yeah ... if you could help the kids, if you could help the parents help the kids even- [00:16:00]

Stephanie McAlister: Yeah ... 

Dori Durbin: what, how would you help them understand the importance of their own emotional wellbeing- Mm-hmm ... even though they're young kids?

Stephanie McAlister: Oh, interesting. I think that the biggest, or I guess, like twofold here, like, I think, like, as a parent, um, and this obviously isn't easy, but, like, recognizing that your kids are little sponges, and if you're having a bad day or if you're in a fight with your partner, even if you're in a different room, even if you don't think they can hear, even if you don't think they know, they can tell.

Stephanie McAlister: They can sense, and they, they're gonna pick up on those things, right? And I think that they don't understand, like, "Oh, you had a really hard day at work," right? 'Cause they're kids, they're not gonna know. Um, and then I think the other side to that is open communication. Um, and I'm gonna give my sister some cr- a little shout-out, a little credit here.

Stephanie McAlister: Um, she has two kids, and she is a very big advocate of, like, having just a time at night before her kids go to bed, [00:17:00] um, and she chats with them. And she just has always done this as a way of like, "I want there to be open communication because when they're teenagers and they don't wanna talk to me, and they don't just come to me, we have this space to just talk about things, um, and t- check in on the day, check in on how we're feeling, check in on how we're doing."

Stephanie McAlister: Um, and so I feel like that, to me, stands out as like one of the most important things is, like, having that open communication with your kids, having that conversation of, like, "How are you doing today?" Like, talking about feelings, talking about emotions. Um, yeah. And, like, putting words to things, right? 'Cause I think that what comes to mind for me is, like, temper tantrums and kids, um, having a temper tantrum and being able to say, like, "Okay.

Stephanie McAlister: What, what are you feeling? What are you experiencing right now? Um, and how can we identify that emotion?" 

Dori Durbin: Yeah. Yeah, that's the thing. I think especially for [00:18:00] kids, and e- for adults, you know, sometimes we even have ki- I wouldn't call it, I'm not gonna call it a temper tantrum, but I'm gonna say- Yeah ... it is sort of, because it's like you just well up with so many emotions, you can't sort out what's going on until you start to recognize it.

Dori Durbin: And like you said, if kids don't have the words- Mm-hmm ... if we're not trying to help them equip it, maybe not tell them how they feel, but get words to help them describe it- They just have all of this feeling and nothing to really sort out, right? 

Stephanie McAlister: Yeah. So- And I think that's a big thing for kids, right? It's like, I, I don't understand why I'm feeling this way.

Stephanie McAlister: I don't know why, like, I'm feeling so upset. Um, but this is just a big emotion for me, right? 

Dori Durbin: Absolutely. So, okay, what if you have a parent who's listening right now and they're saying, "Okay, I think possibly that there's something going on with my child." Mm-hmm. Um, I think maybe it's affecting my [00:19:00] entire family.

Dori Durbin: Yeah. What are some signs, first of all, that maybe you just need to ask for help outside of your family, like you need professional counseling? 

Stephanie McAlister: So I'm gonna give, like, maybe a bit of a different answer here, but two things. One, I think that everyone can benefit from counseling, and even if, um, even if you're like, "Oh, my kid's maybe going through some stuff.

Stephanie McAlister: They're fine. They don't need a counselor," I always like to say that if you send your kid to a counselor at a young age, you are now showing them that this is... And, like, I mean, obviously we're gonna say, like, ideally it's a great relationship. They enjoy going to counseling, all of those good pieces. You've shown them that this is a safe place to go.

Stephanie McAlister: So maybe when they're a teenager and something's come up for them that they're like, "Man, I don't know how to work through this," you've shown them, like, yeah, this is what you do. This is where you go. This is the support you get. Um, so it's not a foreign concept. So I think that... Sorry, you asked me about, like, signs and indications.

Stephanie McAlister: I, I mean, I [00:20:00] think it's a bit of a tricky one, 'cause each kid's different, and I, I wanna give parents a little bit of credit here and, like, they're gonna know their children. Um, and if you feel that things are off, like, don't wait or view it as, like, a negative thing. Um, because even if your kid's, um, is okay or is fine, if the biggest lesson they take from it is that counseling's a safe place to go- I feel like that's a great lesson.

Dori Durbin: Yeah. I appreciate that because I, I do think there's a stigma, or has been in the past. Mm-hmm. I think there's less of a stigma now, but even when my kids were... You know, they're in their 20s. When my kids were young, it was kind of like, "Oh, they have to get counseling. Shh." You know? And it wasn't ... And 

Stephanie McAlister: now- Yeah

Stephanie McAlister: exactly. 

Dori Durbin: Now I don't think that that... I think it's so much more common and so much healthier because- Mm ... it's like it's not something you have to hide. It's just sort of part of what you need to function. Like, you need a coach for this. You need this for that. [00:21:00] Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 

Stephanie McAlister: Absolutely, 100%. And I think that's the biggest part of it, right, is it's just like if you're sending your kids to counseling at a young age, you're helping to break that stigma and normalize, like, this is just part of what we do.

Dori Durbin: Yeah. I, I really appreciate that. And I think there's another piece to this too that I wanted to kind of dig a little bit on. So if you are going to counseling, sometimes that progress, that quick and easy fix that you- Mm-hmm ... were looking for isn't a quick and easy fix, and so you might feel kind of stalled out.

Dori Durbin: Mm-hmm. So are there things that, that parents can kind of say, "Oh my gosh, you know, now I can look at this with some perspective"? Like, what, what could they look for to give them a sense of, like, health and mental health is improving? 

Stephanie McAlister: So first of all, I always like to say counseling is never gonna be a quick and easy fix.

Stephanie McAlister: Um, I don't like to use always and never, and I actually talk to my clients about how those terms are not super helpful. Um, and here I am throwing them out. But [00:22:00] counseling is not an easy or quick fix. Um, it is time. It is progress. It is trust. It is relationship building. And I think the one thing I will say to parents, which, like, may be unpopular opinion here, is especially with kids, the beginning of a counseling journey is gonna be a lot of relationship building and a lot of trust building.

Stephanie McAlister: Um, and it might seem like they're doing nothing for a little bit, but that foundation is so, so important so that there is trust established, right? Um, and then I would also say twofold, like, if you're really struggling, you're just going through it and you're like, "I don't know what to do. I don't know how to deal with this," um, coming from that place of, like, getting some support yourself, right?

Stephanie McAlister: Like, if you're gonna put your kid in counseling, I always say it's helpful for parents to do the same because obviously, like, something's going on, and it might be something's going on for you that you're not recognizing. You're not realizing, like, the way they're acting or behaving, [00:23:00] behaving is triggering something in you from childhood.

Dori Durbin: Yeah, that can be pretty powerful when your kid is doing something that it's triggering you and you don't even know it. 

Stephanie McAlister: Exactly. And I mean, that might be the ripple effect, right? And so like, okay, what are the supports in place? What can I do to get some help through this? 

Dori Durbin: And wow, I was just thinking how, like, that parallel experience really would bond the kid and the, and the parent, too.

Stephanie McAlister: Yeah, absolutely, right? And I mean, like, your attachment is so important, and, like, our attachment to our parents, our attachment, like, as parents, um, is so important and so unhelpful for our kids. And so yeah, I mean, the, all of those elements are, are so important and so necessary. 

Dori Durbin: So what if you're a parent and you're still listening, you're still considering, and you're saying, "Okay, this is great.

Dori Durbin: I probably do need counseling. I have no idea what kind of counseling we need. Like, I don't even know what, what initials should be on the counseling," [00:24:00] you know, "on the, on the door," you know, kind of thing. So what kind of advice do you have for people trying to choose a counselor or choose what they, their family needs?

Stephanie McAlister: That's a great question. Um, so I'm gonna get really practical here, and I'm gonna say start with your benefits. Look at, um, what your benefits cover. Um, some benefits cover social workers, some c- cover, um, registered psychotherapists, some cover psychologists. And so, um, practical, we live in a world where things aren't super cheap.

Stephanie McAlister: And so if you have benefits, I would check that first. See what is covered through your benefits, um, and then start there, looking at, okay, who, I'm just gonna say, like, your benefits cover a registered psychotherapist, which is quite common. Um, so I'm gonna go on online and maybe Google, like, registered psychotherapists in my area.

Stephanie McAlister: You have the choice between do I want virtual or do I want in-person counseling, right? Um, what's coming up for me? I think a lot of clinicians have really put a lot of effort [00:25:00] into g- gearing profiles more so to clients with, like, okay, what are the concerns, what are the problems, um, and away from this modality lingo, right?

Stephanie McAlister: That, um, kind of makes things a little easier to, uh, navigate, easier to understand. And so I would start there. And then I always recommend have a 15-minute phone consultation, see how you're feeling, try to see, like, a lot of places offer free 15-minute phone consultations. Um, have that experience, have a c- chat with a couple counselors, see who you jive with, and then kind of go from there, would be, would be my, uh, recommendation for process.

Stephanie McAlister: And then, of course, if you're in Canada and you're interested, um, this is something we really focus on. And so I do run Across Canada Counseling Clinic, Virtual Connect. Um, so you can always fill out a form, and then we will, we will do the work of kind of pairing you with someone who is best suited because, to your point, it's hard to be like, "Where do I start?"

Dori Durbin: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. And, and especially when [00:26:00] you're kind of on the fence of whether you need it or not. It's even- Mm-hmm ... it's even easier to kind of back off rather than continue- Right ... to do it. Yeah. Yeah. Well, with Virtual Connect, I think they need to know where they can find you and how they can talk to you specifically, Stephanie 

Stephanie McAlister: Absolutely.

Stephanie McAlister: So we are available across Canada, so unfortunately are not able to service the US. Um, but you can find us online at virtualconnect.ca. Um, you're welcome to send me an email at info@virtualconnect.ca. Additionally, we're on, um, Facebook, Instagram, Reddit, YouTube, LinkedIn, all the good social media platforms, um, if you have interest in learning more about us, and we offer free 15-minute discovery calls with me.

Stephanie McAlister: And so, um, if you're interested, I'd be more than happy to chat with you. It doesn't necessarily mean that maybe you're ready for counseling, but if you wanna learn more about it, um, I'm happy to, happy to chat, happy to support that process. 

Dori Durbin: I love that, and you can give them an assessment as to whether or not they're ready in that [00:27:00] 15 minutes?

Stephanie McAlister: Um, so what that 15 minutes is often for is a chance for, um... I like to ask, see if the client has any questions, um, see if they, w- if they've been to counseling before, if they haven't, what they're looking for in a counselor, and then I like to take the opportunity to kinda share, like, my approach, um, what I, my experience is in, what my training is in, and how I can help and support in that.

Dori Durbin: Love it. Awesome. Plenty of great information in 15 minutes. It's great. 

Stephanie McAlister: Yeah. Yes. 

Dori Durbin: So, uh, Stephanie, we've explored a lot today. I love everything that we've talked about, 'cause we've talked about trauma, children's emotional needs, importance of having the right support, but I always love for our listeners to leave with one practical idea that they can use on their family today.

Dori Durbin: So Stephanie, what is one small action step that parents can take today to help their child feel more emotionally safe, supported, or even understood? 

Stephanie McAlister: I know this sounds really simple, but talking, having dinner at a [00:28:00] table, and maybe you're already doing this, but, like, having a routine of, like, having dinner together, opening up conversations about, like, "Okay, how was your day?

Stephanie McAlister: What was your best part? What was the worst part? Um, what are you excited about? What are you looking forward to?" I think creating that space for open dialogue teaches kids that, yeah, this is a safe place to talk, and it's ver- it becomes normalized, right? 

Dori Durbin: I love that. I love that, and it's something that, I mean, it's kind of fun.

Dori Durbin: It's not stressful 

Stephanie McAlister: Yeah, exactly. It does, it doesn't need to be, right? And I think that it doesn't need to be this big thing to create these habits, um, where open communication is important and where we, um, make that a priority in a family, right? 

Dori Durbin: Mm. That's perfect. I love it. Well, Stephanie, I have to say, this has been great.

Dori Durbin: Um, I want to thank you, first of all, for joining me today, sharing your experiences and your insights. They're amazing. Thank you. 

Stephanie McAlister: Thank you so much for having me on [00:29:00] your show. It's been an absolute pleasure, and I, I hope that the listeners are able to get something out of this. 

Dori Durbin: Absolutely. And for our listeners, if you'd like to learn more about Stephanie or connect with the team at Virtual Connect, again, Stephanie has...

Dori Durbin: We're gonna provide this in the show notes. Um, it's virtualconnect.ca, correct? 

Stephanie McAlister: Yes. 

Dori Durbin: Um, perfect. Um, so please don't hesitate to do that because we want you to have the help that you need when you need it. Um, don't be afraid to ask for it. So one more thing before we go. I also want to invite listeners and Stephanie, uh, to join our free That's Good Parenting club.

Dori Durbin: It's a community of book-loving parents, educators, and professionals who care about kids and want to shape their children's books before they're finished. So as a member, you actually get to help preview stories from experts, share your opinions about characters, messages, and help those experts create books that are meaningful differences for kids and for families.

Dori Durbin: And by the way, you don't have to be an expert. We just want your perspective, so you can [00:30:00] bring any experience that you want. Um, if you wanna learn more how to join, it's actually provided in the show notes in the links. So Stephanie, thank you so much again for all that you provided for our listeners with not only the information, but the resources as well.

Dori Durbin: Thank you so much. 

Stephanie McAlister: Thank you so very much for having me on your show. And yeah, it was an absolute pleasure. 

Dori Durbin: Oh, thank you. We just hope that, uh, listeners can end their day, take a moment and say, "Now that, that moment, that was good parenting." We'll see you soon.