Dori Durbin: Welcome to That's Good Parenting, the podcast where we look for simple steps to reduce your parenting stress. I'm your host, Dori Durbin, Today's conversation is such an important piece because we're talking about something that parents use every single day, and without even realizing the power that they have.

Dori Durbin: It's their words. I'm joined today by Jodi Hill, parenting educator, speaker, and author of the Amazon best-selling book, The Parent's Secret Superpower. Jodi, I'm so glad that you're here. 

Jody Hill: Thank you so much for having me, Dori. I love what you're doing and the space that you are just creating for parents to come and learn and be better and raise healthier children.

Jody Hill:

Dori Durbin: Oh, I was so excited to talk to you because you have so many pieces of information that, we could talk about. And I, I told you- So 

Jody Hill: much ... so many 

Dori Durbin: things, and I had a hard time even just narrowing it down. But today, I think having the conversation of conversation really.

Dori Durbin: I mean, the words that we use. Yes. before we get into that too much, though, tell me a [00:01:00] little bit about what got you in the area you're working in, and why this is such a passion for you. 

Jody Hill: Yeah, I mean, it started before I knew it was starting when I was young, and the words and the tone and how my parents showed up with me really impacted me.

Jody Hill: There were great things, and then there were not so great things. And then as I became a mom, I think subconsciously I showed up differently with my children because of the things I liked, things that I didn't like. And then other parents were making comments of, like, "Whoa, the way that you are here, and the way that you are here, this is different."

Jody Hill: And then it really started coming together, back in 2020 when I was going through a divorce, and I was like, "I don't want my children to become a divorce statistic," where it's like, oh, they suffer with this and this because of all of the fallout of that. And so I was like, "What can I do to help shape my children?"

Jody Hill: And at that eight- time they were ages between two and seven, so [00:02:00] they were young, and I had four kids. And I was like, "What can I do to help them thrive through whatever life comes at them?" And that really brought me on this journey and actually starting to look into the research, whether that led me to, which led me to science and also faith.

Jody Hill: Like, oh, what does God's word say about this that was backed up by science? Like, so cool, and just really realizing that I have everything that I need inside of me to help raise a confident and capable kid, regardless if their parents divorce, regardless if they're experiencing bullies or they're seeing someone else being bullied.

Jody Hill: How do they step up and be a warrior and step in on that? And how do they sh- have this identity that regardless of what happens, they know who they are, and they act out in that? And so it really started five years ago, but I realized, like, man, I'm doing some of this stuff already. And so that's when it came together in a book and in what I share online, and that has brought us where we are now.

Jody Hill: So I [00:03:00] guess that was six years ago. How are we in 2026 already? Oh my goodness. Gosh. 

Dori Durbin: I think it's amazing that it came to you so organically. Like, it wasn't something that you fought to find out. It was something that was brought to you. Right. And then you were able to use your experiences as a mom, but also helping others to just continue to build that foundation and grow from it.

Dori Durbin: Yeah. And that's pretty amazing. And I think, too, like, most of us as parents are looking at what we do and what we say and thinking, "Oh, that probably didn't come out the way that I really meant it to." 

Jody Hill: Right. How bad did I just screw up my kid in that interaction? 

Dori Durbin: Yes. And you know, again, the whole reason of this podcast is that I don't believe that there's a perfect parent. Yeah. But there are better ways to do things.

Jody Hill: 100%. 

Dori Durbin: Yeah. So when we talk about this, , I think parents think about their words as in the big moments of life. Like- 

Jody Hill: Yeah ... 

Dori Durbin: oh, I need to talk about bullying, 

Jody Hill: Right, the birds and the bees 

Dori Durbin: That's right, those kinds of things that- 

Jody Hill: Yeah ... 

Dori Durbin: are big. Mm-hmm. But really [00:04:00] it's, it's the smaller things that make a lot more impact consistent- Right

Dori Durbin: right? Yes. So can you talk a little bit about, like, what is it that we are doing inadvertently that just stays with the kids, that we just need to give us another fear, but stays with the kids- Yeah ... longer than what we mean for it to? 

Jody Hill: I think you're so spot on where you say it's not these big moments.

Jody Hill: It's just like in marriage and relationships, right? It's not, "Oh, you took me on this vacation," and you're set for the year. It's these little interactions of tenderness and kindness. It's the same thing, like, with our kids. It's not just this grand gesture of, "Oh, I love you so much. I'm so glad I'm your mom," and then you're good to go for the rest of their life.

Jody Hill: Like, no, it is these small interactions that we have with our children that slowly will build up their confidence or chip away, and many parents do not realize the power that we have in those small little moments, and that's why I call my book The Parent's Secret Superpower, 'cause it truly is a superpower that we already have.

Jody Hill: We don't have to get our master's, we don't have to [00:05:00] get a BA, we don't have to attend a 20-hour course or clinic to get this power. Like, we already have it, and it's secret because we don't actually realize the power that we have. And that is what my heart is, is to help parents understand that, hey, man, Mom, Dad, the words that you speak in those big moments and also in the very small moments, those go into your child.

Jody Hill: You birthed them, and you are the first person they look for survival, to meet their needs, to know, are, am I valued, am I loved, and what is, who am I, right? And so the words that we speak to and over our children, it starts to shape a belief in them, and that belief, they take that on as their identity.

Jody Hill: And when we have an identity set, we act out based on that identity. So if my parents are always telling me- Oh man, you're such the difficult child. You're the hard one. You're the picky one. They're [00:06:00] constantly speaking that. That's not just, like, making a statement of, like, "Oh, yeah, there's some foods that my child doesn't eat," or, "There's some, challenges that they have when they're doing this."

Jody Hill: What they're doing is they're actually speaking to the identity. You're picky. You're hard. You're difficult. So a child takes that on as a belief, and that turns into ident- an identity. So when they go into a room or they go into an act- like, a situation with their siblings, or they're going to school and there's a situation, are they going to show up from a place where it's like, "Oh, I can contribute.

Jody Hill: I can do hard things. I can figure this out"? No, they're gonna show up from a place of, I'm the challenger. I'm the hard one. I'm the difficult one," and that is how they show up because it comes from a place of identity. That's how all of us are wired. You look at anybody on the street, in a classroom, in a boardroom, and you see how they show up in the room, and it comes from those beliefs.

Jody Hill: And as parents, we are the first people that get to put those beliefs into our children, [00:07:00] which is why it's so important to watch the things we say. So even just, like, a couple examples of just... You know, like, I have one child, and he's been labeled as, like, oh, he's so shy. But the fact of the matter is, is he is not shy.

Jody Hill: He... Like, you see him at home. You see him playing with his friends in an environment. He is the opposite of shy. He's, like, spunky. He's fun. He's outgoing. But when he's in a new environment, he just takes a little bit of time to warm up. But I don't want him to think that I'm the shy one, I'm the quiet one, because I actually believe he has a strong and powerful voice inside of him that God has given him to unlock.

Jody Hill: But if we constantly keep speaking over him, "Oh, you're the shy one. You're the quiet one," what is he gonna believe about himself that keeps that locked in? So it just comes from the small, little interactions of the daily things that we say to our kids, 

Dori Durbin: I think when we think of what we say as being negative, I guess what comes to my mind [00:08:00] automatically and first is saying things like you're not tough.

Dori Durbin: You're so, afraid of things. Why can't you do these things like so-and-so can?" Right? Mm-hmm. Like, the comparisons- Yes ... or pointing out the negatives. 

Jody Hill: Yes. 

Dori Durbin: When in reality, too, like, I feel like what we miss sometimes is saying all the time, "You're such a princess. You're so amazing." That can almost be equally as bad, can't it?

Jody Hill: It's really important to speak to truth. So, like, "You're the perfect child." But are they? Like- ... "You can do anything you want." Yes, and yet, like, I know my child, who is never gonna go grow past five foot, is not gonna become an NBA All-Star, right? So there's, like, a place of, like, honesty and integrity that we want to show up with our kids, and then also, we want to call up what we see in them.

Jody Hill: So that's one of... So in my book, I share seven simple strategies that you can raise confident kids, and one of them is call up the greatness in them. [00:09:00] So you may see something that's super tiny, but it's, like, if you, whatever gets attention gets repeated, right? So practical, simple example, you have a child, and they tend to be pretty messy.

Jody Hill: Like, wherever they, I have one of these. Wherever they go in the house, they leave trails, and it's so easy to be like, "Oh my I can tell you've been in this room. You leave trails around the house all the time." And I'm saying that because I'm pointing it out as something I want fixed. I want something better.

Jody Hill: I want better, them to grow in. But like you said, is pointing out the negative what's helpful? Or is it like, "You're just the cleanest girl ever," like, which is not true as well. So it's, it takes some rewiring and retrying in the parent brain of like, "Okay, this is something negative that I see. This is something that I'd like to get better.

Jody Hill: How can I encourage them positively in this area?" So this child, for example, when they set their mind to it, they're actually really good at organizing. When they're, like, fueled by their own motivation, [00:10:00] she kills it. I She was MIA for like two hours as I was doing stuff with the other kids, and she comes back, and she's like, "Hey, Mom, come here."

Jody Hill: I'm like, "Okay." And I come in her room, and she had pulled out all of her important, like, papers and folders and artwork from school, and had taped them, like, all over the wall, like perfectly orderly. Her bed was all made perfectly with all of her stuffies and everything. And I'm like, "Aha, I know you've got it in you."

Jody Hill: But it's like when we see those small things, like, "Wow, you did such a good job organizing your papers. I loved how you put your stuffies there together. I know that you're... Like, I love it when you set your mind to it. You are really neat and orderly, and you do a good job putting things away." That is so different than, "Oh my gosh, you are so messy all the time.

Jody Hill: Look at all this crap on your floor. Please pick it up. You are a mess." So different. 

Dori Durbin: Yeah. Yeah, like I said, I have older kids, so I can already see where that would transition and follow them, t- into the next- Right ... phase. 

Jody Hill: Yeah. [00:11:00]

Dori Durbin: Our son was pretty shy when he was growing up, and everybody told us that all the time.

Jody Hill: Mm. 

Dori Durbin: And then he went to college and came back, and we were like, "Wow, what.. What happened?" But it gave him, like, a new start... because nobody knew.

Dori Durbin: Nobody knew him from before. And I feel like, you know, even as parents, we definitely do that. But I wonder how we handle situations where it's not us saying it. Maybe it's- Mm ... a teacher. Maybe it's a friend of the family. Maybe it's a grandfather, grandmother, you know- 

Jody Hill: Right ... 

Dori Durbin: somebody related. How do we handle that?

Dori Durbin: Like, how do you redirect someone else to not invest negative thoughts into your kid's head? 

Jody Hill: Yeah. So I say it's twofold. One, it's you speaking so much truth into them, and them knowing it's your truth. Mom's just not, like, blowing air up my skirt, right? Like, you setting such that strong foundation of truth in who they are, that when other people speak into that, they're like, "Nope, I don't accept that," or, "Nope, that's not true."

Jody Hill: I remember in [00:12:00] fourth grade, I was on the bus and I had to get off, get to my house, and the school, the bus bully was, like, right in the middle of my way. He scared the crap out of me, and I always just stayed away from him, right? But I had to, like, go past him, and I get up to get off the bus. And so I get up to him, and he just, like, sneers at me this, with this really rude look, and he's like, "You're an idiot."

Jody Hill: And for me, growing up in a Christian home, like, we didn't even say, like, "Shut up," or, "Stupid." Like, that would, like- The best word. Yes ... you know? Yeah. And so for him to, like, look at me the way that he did and call me an idiot, it just really shook me. But in that moment, I was like, "That is not true. I know what my parents have spoken to me.

Jody Hill: I know who I am. That is not it." And so I looked at him, and I was like, "No, I'm not," and I just walked off the bus. I was, like, shaking, but I did it. And it's like some, a voice like that couldn't rattle me because there was no trust built with [00:13:00] that voice. There, and there was trust in my identity that my parents had established with me already.

Jody Hill: And so that is why I think it's so important. You know, I teach parents, like, when you show up in these healthy ways with your kids moment by moment by moment, you build that trust, and you build that connection. And so by doing that, you become the loudest voice in their life. So the second part of that is when you can show up in that healthy way, when they start to have peers or teachers or social media or even movies or whatever trying to speak differently to their identity, "Hey, in order to be loved, you need to dress like this.

Jody Hill: You need to look like this. You need to be skinnier. You need to be bigger here," like all of those things, they're so rooted in who they are from home and from us that stuff can wash away a lot easier. 

Dori Durbin: That's actually such a great perspective, 'cause I have talked to several guests about, you know, the influence of social media, the influence of other people, especially as the kids get older- Mm-hmm

Dori Durbin: and they start looking to [00:14:00] friends and other groups for support for independence. 

Jody Hill: Right. It's 

Dori Durbin: scary. It's scary. Right. Yeah. You hope that you've done your job. Right. And if you have little kids right now, think about this 

Jody Hill: right- Right, like, you're planting seeds. 

Dori Durbin: Yes. 

Jody Hill: Yes. 

Dori Durbin: Well, going back to your book for a second, The Parent's Secret Superpower, Jodi, you gave us one skill.

Dori Durbin: Yes. Can we steal from you one or two more? 

Jody Hill: Yes. I'm, like- Okay. Okay, I'm trying, there's so many good ones. Um- Yeah, yeah ... so, like, and I even have this, like, magnet- Oh ... that I love to, like, give to parents. I'm like, "Here are, like, here is your little things." This isn't available online anywhere, but this, I made extra, so I'm like, "How can I, like, utilize this in a fun way?"

Jody Hill: But I think, like, I think something that's really important that I think would be a really great conversation to have is one of them is stand against villainous beliefs. Mm. And this is what I mean by that. So as we become parents, there are certain things and milestones about our children, specifically milestones, but there's a lot of things that we can believe that can impact how we show up.

Jody Hill: But [00:15:00] think about the terrible twos. What, as soon as we think of that, we're like, "

Dori Durbin: Oh my gosh, 

Jody Hill: my kid's gonna be terrible. They're gonna be fighting, they're gonna be screaming, they're gonna be... Like, this, it's going to be terrible." So terrible twos, ferocious fours, "Oh, just wait till they're teenagers." And I'm like, you know what?

Jody Hill: I am not going to align with that. And so here's the thing, I have raised four children, they're now ages seven through 12, and none of them went through the terrible twos. And why do you think that is? So, like, the terrible two, what happens when they're twos is it's a developmental milestone for children.

Jody Hill: They're learning boundaries, they're learning what they can do, th- they're learning what they can't do. And the difference is, is do we go into this believing and expecting it's gonna be hard and challenging and they're gonna be terrible, or do we go into this knowing that, like, hey, there's gonna be some moments where they're testing boundaries, but I'm understanding this, I'm understanding where they're at, and we're gonna do this, right?

Jody Hill: And so, a great [00:16:00] example is when my child, my oldest child, he was probably two and a half at the time. I'd given him a juice box. I don't know if he had ever had one, we didn't have them a lot, but I'd just finished cleaning the kitchen, he's sitting at the island, and I turn my back to him, and all of a sudden I hear, like, liquid splashing on the counter.

Jody Hill: And I look at him, and he has his juice box, and he has turned it upside down, and he's, like, squirting it on the counter. Yeah. 

Dori Durbin: You know how long it took me to clean this kitchen? 

Jody Hill: Right? So, like, instant. So here, here's two different ways that you can approach this, right? We talked about earlier about what you believe shows up how, shows how you respond and how you react in life.

Jody Hill: So if I'm in that situation and I believe that my child is terrible because they're in this terrible phase, how would I show up? "Oh, my gosh. There you are again making another mess. Why can't you do anything right? Did you not see I just spent all of this time cleaning? You are so disruptive. You are so messy.

Jody Hill: Oh, my gosh. You're creating all this work for [00:17:00] me. Get out of here. I'm gonna clean this up." And you grab the child, and you throw them in the other room. Yeah. "Go somewhere else or go play somewhere else, or you're in time out." Whatever. And what do you have in that moment from that child? You have a child who is kicking and screaming, and they're like, "But..."

Jody Hill: And then you get the behavior that you were expecting to begin with, right? As opposed to, which in this situation I did a great job. There have been other situations I have not done a great job. Happy to share my fails as well. No one is perfect, as you had said. But instead, I turn around, and I was like, "Oh, okay.

Jody Hill: All right, buddy." And I grab the juice box, and I'm like, "Let's turn this upside, right side up." I'm like, "Here's the deal. Juice is for drinking, and it's not for tipping it up, it upside down. However, if you wanna take your juice and tip it upside down, you can do that, but we're not gonna do it in here, and we can go outside and do it.

Jody Hill: And once it's gone, it's gone, okay? No more. All right, let's go get some paper towels. Here's some for you. Here's some for me. [00:18:00] Let's clean this up. All right, what do you wanna do with your juice box? Where do you wanna take it?" No screaming, no crying, connection hasn't been broken with my child, they're learning.

Jody Hill: Like, I'm not about excusing behavior. That is not what I'm here for. And I think some people think, like, oh, gentle parenting, too, like some parenting can get bad stig- stigmas, but, like, what I'm advocating for, I'm not advocating for parents not having their child take ownership and not having their child take responsibility.

Jody Hill: What I want to happen is I want them to have responsibility without fear, and ownership without shame. So it's like, "Oh, you messed up. All right. This is how we fix," or, "How do you think we can fix it?" Especially as they get older. Like- Yeah ... "Hmm, bummer you didn't get that better grade on your test. What do you think you could have done differently?"

Jody Hill: You know? So it's like letting them. So all that to say is when we show up with ways in our [00:19:00] children, in interactions, believing the worst, it totally, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. So that's why I challenge parents, like, listen to your villainous beliefs. Like, what are those negative beliefs that you have about child rearing, about different ages of children, about y- maybe even yourself as a parent?

Jody Hill: Like, "Oh, my mom yelled at me, I'm gonna be a yeller." You know, like, what are those beliefs? I mean, you can go in all different areas of life, and what are these beliefs that I'm believing that are impacting for the negative of how I show up? So that is what I would encourage parents to do. 

Dori Durbin: Yeah. I love that example.

Dori Durbin: We always liked to give science lessons to our kids when they were little. Mm-hmm. And I think, oh, that would've been perfect science You know? But it gave, gave them a sense of, okay, what I did was seen, it wasn't right, it wasn't punished. I just had to, take the ownership, and then we did it a different way that was more acceptable.

Jody Hill: Yeah. 

Dori Durbin: Which is 1,000 times different than screaming and yelling and- Yeah ... causing this rift between the two of you,

Jody Hill: Which isn't [00:20:00] effective. 

Dori Durbin: Yeah. And at two, are they really gonna reason this out?

Jody Hill: No... Uh, no. No. At 12, are they even... Like, their brains aren't even fully developed till 21, right?

Jody Hill: Exactly. Like, why would we expect them to have the logic that we do as a 30, 40-something-year-old, you know? 

Dori Durbin: Exactly. Ugh. So do you think these kinds of examples or conversations is what helps our kids develop more confidence? I know you, talked about speaking truths to them. How do they take these truths and own that, - 

Jody Hill: Right

Jody Hill: Yeah. I say, like, whenever our children mess up- Our knee-jer... At least my knee-jerk reaction is, "Let me tell you everything you did wrong and how you can fix it." 

Dori Durbin: Yeah. 

Jody Hill: Right? That doesn't help them develop the brain capacity to look at their situation, assess it themselves, and start to brainwork, to mastermind, "Okay, like, what can I do differently?"

Jody Hill: All they're worried about is, "Mom is yelling at me, Dad is yelling at me, not telling me what I did right," and then they're just walling up, right? We wanna create a space where [00:21:00] they can take that ownership and can take that responsibility. So if we're always trying to problem solve for our children, they are never going to learn how to problem solve.

Jody Hill: Daniel Amen has this great quote, and it's something along the lines of "We build our own self-esteem by stealing theirs." Like, confidence is earned. Like, they have to be able to build that muscle of trying things out on their own, and failing, and then us being the safe space of not saying, "I told you so," but, "Oh, man, I would be really bummed too.

Jody Hill: What do you think you could do differently?" And that's so m- much more powerful instead of scaring children into trying to do the right thing, or scaring them into or shaming them into obedience. Like, that can work immediately, and it's the fast, quick fix. It's the quick d- drug of getting our kids to obey is when we yell at them and shame them and stuff like that, 'cause we can get that quick obedience.

Jody Hill: But long term, man, that impacts so [00:22:00] much. Your relationship with the children, their problem-solving abilities, their confidence, like, all of the things. 

Dori Durbin: Yeah. Yeah. And I hate to say it, but, like, if you don't make that break or that transition fairly early, then it gets harder the older they get. 

Jody Hill: It does get harder.

Dori Durbin: So 

Jody Hill: never too late. 

Dori Durbin: It's never 

Jody Hill: too late. But it does get harder,

Dori Durbin: definitely. Definitely. Yeah. So, one of the things that I think about a lot as a children's book author is the message behind what's going on, right? Mm-hmm. And so when you think about your clients or even people who've come to you for advice, what are some of the messages that you wish children were hearing more of more often?

Jody Hill: From their parents? 

Jody Hill: I would say one of the things that I wish kids were hearing more from parents is that you're capable. You can do it, and you can do hard things. I think on some hand, on one hand, we don't want our children to hurt. Most parents don't. Like, you don't want your children to hurt.

Jody Hill: You don't want them to struggle. [00:23:00] You want to protect them from all the evil in this world, and yet it's going to happen, and we can't protect them. And by protecting them too much, they don't get to grow. And so what I want my children to be able to do is when they hop on the bus at school in the morning, or they're going wherever, that they know that they have what it takes, and that encouragement comes from me.

Jody Hill: It comes from us as parents. So if we can be so intentional to really encourage our kids, like, "Hey, you can do hard things, and hey, it's okay to make mistakes." That's how we learn. And if we get to be that safe space for them, they're gonna keep coming back. They will... This is that safe space. That's why kids join gangs or other unhealthy groups of friends or whatever is because that is where they find that acceptance, as twisted and as messed up as it can be.

Jody Hill: But if we can be that safe place where they can fall, where they can mess up, where they can learn, and we're there to champion them and encourage them in that instead of shame [00:24:00] them, man, like, you can't go wrong as a parent if you do that for their kids, for your kids. 

Dori Durbin: You're right. You're so right. And that, like you said, that relationship is so different as they get older.

Dori Durbin: It's more of you- Yeah ... like a advisor. 

Jody Hill: Right. 

Dori Durbin: Really, it's them making decisions and choices. 

Jody Hill: Yeah. You're like a guide, like, "Oh, yeah." 

Jody Hill: That, that makes sense that you didn't get that good test score. I'm really sorry."

Dori Durbin: I like that perspective too, because so much pressure on parents to live up to what other parents are doing and to- Yeah

Dori Durbin: like measure themselves, their success off of what other people are doing, and- Yeah ... if you're thinking long-term instead of the short-term- 

Jody Hill: Yes ... 

Dori Durbin: long-term goal, kid can go out they figured out, you know, how to get their house. They figured out how to, of all things, hook up their internet, and they had no idea before.

Dori Durbin: But they, they struggled, you know- But they 

Jody Hill: figured it out ... 

Dori Durbin: through the process. Yeah. They figured out how to find a, a person who they love and live their life with. These are all things we can't control that they need to be able to do. 

Dori Durbin:

Dori Durbin: So having that [00:25:00] confidence is really important. Yeah. 

Dori Durbin: So what if you're, you're a listener and you're hearing these words, and you're saying to yourself I nag.

Dori Durbin: I, I probably bring up a lot of the negative things more often than I should." Yeah. "I haven't been doing what she's suggesting." Yeah. "Jodi works so much, and I haven't been doing it." Yeah. What is some advice that you have for them as far as, like, their own perspective and fixing what's happened in the past?

Jody Hill: So I would encourage parents, one, it's never too late to shift things, right? And just you listening right now today, seeing where you can improve in areas is so powerful, because we can't change what we don't see, right? So that's step number one. Step number two is have a little grace for yourself.

Jody Hill: Step number three is do that inner work. I know it sounds- Interesting. But like, if you can set some space, journal, there's so much power in writing things down, be like, "Hey, in this situation, for example, why did I yell at my kid when they were getting... Or why did I shame [00:26:00] my kid?" Maybe not yell. "Why did I yell at my kid when they were getting food all over their face?"

Jody Hill: Like, for example, we were at the pool a couple years ago, a friend and his mom came, we shared watermelon with him. He was going to town on the watermelon, it was like dripping all over his face and falling down, and the way that she showed up, she was like, "Oh my gosh, you are creating such a mess. Look, it's dripping on your chin.

Jody Hill: Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You're such a heathen." She literally called her son a heathen because he was enjoying his watermelon. So like, if that if that's you, if I was advising that mom right now I'd a- I would encourage you to get quiet with yourself, be like, obviously like something was coming up for you to like come out at your son that way.

Jody Hill: What was coming up for you? Like, what were you feeling like in that moment? And she may say something like, "I was embarrassed by his behavior." Okay. What do you make up about his behavior? Like, why did, what about that embarrassed you? She's like, "Well, I feel like his behavior is a reflection of me as a [00:27:00] mom."

Jody Hill: Oh, that makes sense. And she's like, "And this morning, I, he did something and I, I snapped at him and I didn't do a good job and I feel bad about it and I feel shame about it and remorseful about it. And then now, like him eating like this in front of friends is just reminding me of how I'm failing as a mom."

Jody Hill: If you can get to that, right? It's not a just about behavior modification. "Hey, let's just try and talk nicer." Which, yes, we need to be aware, we need to... But there's often things that are way deeper. Like, why am I so hellbent on shaming my child for this thing that they did in front of people? Why does that hit a little harder?

Jody Hill: Oh, man. Like, it's not about them, it's about me. So if you can try and un- create space for that, try and understand what's behind that, and get to the root, like that'll sh- that'll then shift how you show up in other little ways. So I would say do some personal work, like go deep. And then lastly, I would just [00:28:00] say it just, you don't know what you don't know, and that's why I made my book simple and easy and readable.

Jody Hill: It's like seven simple strategies. Okay, what are ways that you can show up with your kids? Oh yeah, let's not believe negative things. Oh yeah, let's just try and look for the good, and call that up and out in them. So little things like that, it's just learning them and then starting to implement them.

Jody Hill: Like baby steps, one thing at a time. It takes practice, but you'll get there. It's not rocket science, it really isn't. 

Dori Durbin: I feel like just even being aware of the fact that you didn't like it is a start. 

Jody Hill: Yes. Yeah, 100%. 

Dori Durbin: Jody, I know parents are gonna be wondering where to find your book, how to get a hold of you, and if you're open to questions at all.

Dori Durbin: Do you wanna share that with them? 

Jody Hill: Yeah, for sure. So, um, you can find my book on Amazon. However, if you go to podcast.itsjodyhill.com, I'll have, I'll give you the links for you to put in your notes. They can go ahead and get the first superpower strategy right then and there for free. It's in audiobook [00:29:00] format and also PDF, so you can start right now.

Jody Hill: And then I also included my top confidence boosters and busters. So many of us have great intentions, and then we also, there are ways that we can show up with our kids, maybe some of what I've said today, we're like, "I didn't even realize that I was busting their confidence and taking away from it." So I've got my top boosters and busters that you can read and take and implement today if you just go there, enter your email, and then I'll send that stuff to you immediately.

Dori Durbin: That's awesome. I love that you have that all compiled and quick and easy to look at, 'cause that- Yes ... that was one of the questions that came to my mind is, what are the most common? But you've got it all written out, they can find it. 

Jody Hill: Right. I'm all about simplicity, y'all. I have four kids and a bonus daughter, and so I'm like, "I got a lot on my plate over here, so let's-

Jody Hill: let's make it easy, digestible. I'm a parent, I get it. I don't wanna sit down and read, like, a 50-page document or listen to, a 10-hour exhortation on how to ra- just give me the nuggets. So- [00:30:00]

Dori Durbin: Yeah ... 

Jody Hill: that is what my goal has always been with my book and with my freebies that I give. 

Dori Durbin: Awesome. Well, Jody, this has been such a delightful conversation, and I think just talking about connection, talking about being aware of what you're saying is definitely one of the first things that they can do, beyond going and heading to your website and checking this out. so thank you so much for just enlightening us, being honest, giving us real stories about things that you've experienced, and insight into how our brains work as parents.

Jody Hill: Yeah. You're so welcome. I love talking about this, and I really believe, you know, for everyone listening, like, you truly do have the power to change your kids' lives. Like, if you change your words, you will change their life. And you can start today. And- I think what I would even encourage you, if you're realizing that you have not done the best job up until now, one, start to speak life over yourself.

Jody Hill: Instead of c- continuing to say, like, "I suck as a parent, I'm bad as a parent, I'm negative as a parent," it's like, "Okay, I'm committed to being encouraging today." Focus on what you're [00:31:00] committed to, but then bring your kids into the conversation and be like, "Hey, I just listened to this podcast," or, "I'm reading this book, and I am realizing that I can do better with my words, and that I have not done the best job encouraging you.

Jody Hill: And I'm gonna start to change that. And so I would love to invite you in with me, because as a family, we're gonna use our words to build and encourage other people, and not to tear down. So one, will you forgive me for how I've been? And two, let's go on this journey together." You do that with your kids, oh my gosh so powerful.

Dori Durbin: Oh, such good advice, Jodi. Well, thank you again so much for being on the show. I can't wait for people to connect with you. 

Jody Hill: Thanks for having me.