Dori Durbin: Welcome to That's Good Parenting, the podcast where we search for simple steps to reduce parenting stress. I'm your host, dory Durbin, children's book, illustrator, author, coach, ghost writer, and a podcaster. I help experts turn big ideas into kid size, children's books that kids can actually understand and enjoy.

Dori Durbin: Today's conversation fits beautifully into that mission. I'm joined by Maria Gallucci. She is a multi-award winning broker owner, realtor, a proud child of deaf, adults fluent a SL Communicator, and the author of Raised in Silence. Maria spent her life bridging the deaf and hearing world, and that's what she's learned about listening, advocacy, emotional safety, and powerful implications for every single family.

Dori Durbin: Maria, I'm so glad that you're here. Welcome. I'm 

Dori Durbin: so excited. Thank you so much for having me. 

Dori Durbin: Absolutely. Some of our listeners may not know you yet and for those listeners who don't, I would love for you to share how you got into this [00:01:00] world and a little bit about your story. 'cause it's very unique and I think they'll love to know about it.

Maria: Yeah, absolutely. So I'm Marie Gucci and I am, the author of Raised in Silence in a Real Estate Agent, and I've been an agent for thir 34 years. I'm a coda, so both of my parents are deaf and so a SL was my first language. And I got into real estate because I, I was like 12, 12 years old and I saw my parents going to, buy their, their first home and they, there was no inter interpreter there or anything, so I just stepped in and started helping them.

And I just realized that I loved the real estate and. finance world and I thought to myself, okay, I'll never make anybody feel like they don't know what they're signing or anything So that's how I jumped into real estate very young. 

Dori Durbin: I think that's so fascinating. 'cause you, what I read anyway was that you were five years old when you started to interpret for your parents.

And then at 12, is that right? You went to help them with the house? 

Maria: Yeah. Yep. we were very young and we always had to interpret like at school functions and [00:02:00] things like that. So as long as I can even remember, I was interpreting for my parents. 

Dori Durbin: Yeah. So that's a lot of responsibility and understanding, like emotional understanding situational understanding that you were having very, very early, how did that shape you and help you understand your childhood years, even in a different way?

Maria It shaped me as, I listened more and then I'm, I'm actually a teen mom and so I think being raised in that community helped me be more, I think it, it grew me up fast and so I was able to be a single team mom to my daughter. And so I feel like that like helped transition me for being like a.

 teen mom. Yeah. 

Maria: Which is hard in like, in the beginning 'cause like it's you're, you are a teenager, your own self. And so when you are a kid, your own self raising a child. But because I had grown up so quickly with the deaf culture, it made me, I think more of a [00:03:00] mom. 

Dori Durbin: Yeah. You had a passage from your book that you wanted to share.

Maria: Oh, I did. Yeah. So, I think this is one, one of my, my things. So, I'll read a short story from the raised in si silence book, and this is something, I don't mind like unveiling because it captures the, the heart of my story. So, it is, I grew up in a world where silence was normal.

A SL was my first language. I learned how to read facial expressions, before I even learned how to read books. I became the voice for my parents long before I understood my own. But what I didn't realize was that the silence was not weakness. It was shaping me into someone who can listen deeply, lead bravely, and build bridges between two worlds.

I think what's really important about the book is that it's not just about being a coda, it's about identity, responsibility, resilience, and learning that the very thing that made you different can actually be your superpower. 

Dori Durbin: I'm trying to even put myself in [00:04:00] that position of knowing that your parents are so much different. It's not just different. The whole concept of 

How they experience the world. And communicate with you is so different than so many of us would even understand. 

Maria: Yeah, and I feel like we take our hearing for granted, even our site, like even with blind people as well. Like we, we take all of our senses for granted when we have them. 

Dori Durbin: Do you feel like that awareness, you, you were talking about facial expressions and just being able to read the situation.

Mm-hmm. Do you feel like that happened really early and really benefited you as you were getting older? 

Maria: I do because I can see when my parents were upset or I could see when they were uncomfortable or when they were sad. So, because most of our expressions and our feelings are all from expressions and emotions, and so I think that it taught me to be able to, Listen fully and to be able to repeat people. So like they say re [00:05:00] read the room. I'm very, very good at that. 

Dori Durbin: Yeah. I would think too, communicating with people and really being able to see what their heart is. Mm-hmm. their motives, that would be even easier for you than it would, you know, I always think of the awkward teenage years where communication is just so hard anyway for most teens, and then you have kind of this extra gift, like you said, like a superpower.

: Where you could actually read and understand and make these connections that probably a lot of people miss because they're not aware. I think it's in your book, do you talk about deaf gain? 

Maria: I do. And I think that people, Think that it's a loss, but it's not because they gain other senses.

: And, for them I think it's like a superpower. Like they're able to communicate. we're all bilingual. Like we're able to listen better, to be fully aware and be fully present. So for me, I think that it's not a negative. It's a gain because they're gaining more senses and more awareness.

Dori Durbin: [00:06:00] So the def gain is, you are replacing that from what people see, as you said, a deficit. you see it as a power ability. 

Maria As a power, yeah, exactly. Yeah. It's not a, a deficit or a negative at all. It's like there's there. Their superpower. 

Dori Durbin: Yeah. Yeah. So, okay. What about listening is so unique and different for you, that other people could kind of learn or learn from? 

Maria: I think, Being very present and actually listening to what they're they're saying or what your children is saying, because I think even five sec se second changes.

Dori: Everything. Like if you are fully present, I mean the kids are gonna remember, or anyone's going, going to remember the tone longer than the content. And so I feel like if we're like present and li listening or say your emo emotions, like I feel over overwhelmed right now. I need a minute. And I think that it teaches, just empathy [00:07:00] and ma making them feel like they're being heard. 

MAria: Mm-hmm. Yeah. There's a big difference, I think, and I think this is what you're saying too, between listening and hearing if you're looking at your phone or if you're waiting for someone at the door, if you're cooking, that's not being fully present for anybody.: Just be there and listen. 

Dori Durbin: I'm gonna, I'm gonna get in trouble for this one, but, I know like in my family, we have members, who will be busy and they'll try to be engaged and they'll repeat one or two words that you just said. And I always feel like a little more frustrated because they can repeat the last two words, but they have no idea what it had to do with what happened.

Maria: Right. And so even though they can, call, recall the couple words, you want to have that emotion felt by the other person who's listening Exactly. 

Maria: Oh yeah. And it makes a big di difference with them too.

Like they, they feel like they're, they're being understood. They, they feel like they're being heard. And I think that makes a huge difference for anybody who especially like the deaf and hard of hearing community or [00:08:00] any CC community out there. I think once you feel like someone's being present for you and they're really there for you, it makes a big difference on their mind and their mental state.

Dori Durbin: Yeah. So I'm curious, so as a children's book illustrator, I work with a lot of people when we set the stage, you know, like, this is where the story is gonna take place. This is how the character's gonna feel in the story, right? Mm-hmm. And do you kind of find yourself doing that in realty, especially with the deaf communities who are coming in and probably a little bit more nervous about trusting people on a sale.

Maria: I agree because I feel like it's very important to make them feel comfortable. And so I've had a lot of clients who have not had an A SL. Agent on their prior TRA transactions, and they said that they felt left out, they didn't understand.

: So when they found me and I was able to be fluent in their language and communicate without barriers, it makes a huge di difference because they feel like they're included. They feel like they're [00:09:00] seen, they feel like they're being there for them. And then the culture knows about what the needs of deaf and hard of hearing people, and even like blind people and everything, like we know that you need for, if someone has a wheelchair, you know you need bigger doors and bigger hallways. And for the deaf and hard of hearing community, you need to have a big open.

: Kitchen to the dining room, so it's called a deaf friendly home. So you need that to be able to communicate with other people while you're, making dinner. And a lot of people actually don't know that. And that's why I made a SL Realty, which is a nationwidereferral \ network for agents who actually speak or, know a SL or know the, the community so I can help everybody, just not in Colorado.

Maria: Yes. Yep. Because every co country has their own sign. 

Dori Durbin: Oh, I did not know that. 

Maria: Yeah, they do. Really not Universal. It's all different. Yeah. Oh my goodness. It's not U Universal. A lot of people have [00:10:00] that mi Miscon conception and it's actually, it's, all that, there's, I think there's 300 or something different.

Dori Durbin: Are  you kidding?  I did not know that. I No clue. 

Maria: Yeah. 

Dori Durbin: So when they're signing for, movies and you see the, signer in the corner, they're doing probably American. 

Maria yes, they're, they're doing the AM American SE language and then, like the lady for who signed at the Super Bowl, she was actually signing in Puerto Rican.

Dori Durbin: Oh, I didn't know that either. Wow. You just blew my mind, Maria. 

Maria: Yeah. Yeah. A lot, a lot of people don't dunno that they think that it's a, universal sign and it's not, 

Dori Durbin: I honestly thought it was you know, if you're not in the community, you're not using the tools, there's no reason for you to know. But in the same vein, I feel kind of dumb 'cause I had no idea there was any different. 

Maria: yeah. And another like misconception I think that people have is that all , deaf and hard of hearing people can lit lip read. And they can't really, I, I can because I was taught that growing up and so, 

I can see if someone's [00:11:00] talking bad about me across the room or what they're saying, so it's a very good, 

Dori Durbin: that's actually really dangerous. Okay. I have to ask this. This is totally off topic, but since we're on that vein anyway, so if I was a child that knew that my parents couldn't hear, it would be very tempting to tell them the things that you wanted, like manipulate situations.

Maria: And I have stories of like that in the book. Like if we got a bad grade at. School or whatever. We would just tell the teacher, oh no, we your kid was so good. Like she, she's always there and she's always doing stuff. So it was like, we do that often and I know that's bad, so I don't do that anymore.

But as chess child, you want your parents to let like you and think that you're amazing. 

Dori Durbin: Oh my goodness. So that made you that much more aware for your own kids because you knew : Now. Okay. So do your kids speak American Sign Language and can they lip read?

Maria: So my daughter who's 34 now, she actually did know it growing up [00:12:00] because my mom was her daycare, but my mom had passed away so young, so Jordan was only nine years old, so she knows a little bit and she's teaching Nova, my granddaughter and then Adrian. My son, I put him in an A SL class and thinking, oh, we got this.

and this is, the story is so funny and it's actually in the book and I'm like, we got this because I'm fluent. It's so easy. Oh my gosh. It is not, there is a huge difference between. Being a coda and learning it growing up with parents 'cause we know the slaying and all that stuff. And so I helped him do like an exam and he got an f, he's a 4.0 student and he ended up graduating six months early with a 4.0.

But yeah, that was his first F. He was so mad at me. He's like, mom, and I'm like, I dunno. It's like way different than I thought. 

Maria: Yeah, because it was my first language, so I just knew it all. But yeah, learning is like different than : Being raised [00:13:00] with it. : No, I don't think they can. Yeah. 

Dori Durbin: Okay. Well that works out for you. Well, but 

Maria: yeah, exactly. Yeah, exactly. 

Dori Durbin: Oh my goodness. That's amazing. So as a parent then, that's really interesting because, I mean, being raised with parents who are deaf and then having kids who aren't, were you constantly re recreating or were you using a lot of what your parents did?

Maria: I was using a lot of what my parents did, and I do notice that, 'cause we're from the east coast, so we're from New Hampshire and so we moved out here when we were younger. But the sign language back east is different than here. And so I sign a little words different and so everyone always thinks it's so cute and funny because you could do favorite or a favorite and I when I was growing up was favorite.

And then, so I had to like retrain myself to learn some of the like. Either update words and signs actually get updated throughout. 

like time too. Like, but LA last week, like Colorado was Colorado and now it's Colorado. So [00:14:00] it's like things just change like throughout. But yeah, so that's what the only two differences.

Dori Durbin: Wow. That's interesting. . Yeah. So there's like three, and, and there's a lot of different versions of words too.

Maria: I've always went to speech therapy, just something I've always done, but something else that. I've never been able to do is a lot of codas actually can talk and sign at the same time and I've never been able to.

So like for me, I have to sign it and then I'll talk it or talk it and sign it. It was just the way I was raised. We're not able to talk and sign at the same time. 

Dori Durbin: It's, that's interesting. Okay. Yeah. I hope our listeners are learning as much as I'm 

Maria Gullucci: Yeah, exactly. 

Dori Durbin: were there other situations where it was really hard to have parents who were deaf and especially, like I think about the emotional side of parenting.

Dori Durbin: Parenting is not easy as you know, and I think that you obviously had this amazing connection emotionally with them. I could read them, but were there times when it [00:15:00] was really a struggle for both of you? 

Maria: I have a huge heart and I have a lot of empathy for people. it might be a downfall for me because I have a soft, soft heart.

I think it's because I, I saw my parents, we as children got made fun of because we were like different and if it's not your normal, then I think people are afraid. And so for me, watching my parents being isolated or left out or made fun of things like that really pulled out my heartstrings because when anybody gets made fun of to me, I think being inclusive is huge and people don't understand 

Making fun of somebody or making someone feel isolated does to themselves, and just one act of kindness or one kind gesture can actually save someone's life that day if they're like really down. So for me, I think it was that it was the struggle of seeing them sad or feeling isolated or left out. 

Dori Durbin: Oh, that's so powerful. And [00:16:00] by the way, feeling for people is not a bad thing. It just means you cry more. 

Maria Gullucci: Yeah, exactly. I do 

all the time. I always feel that.

Dori Durbin: So it is interesting too though, because you talk about inclusivity and I think you're right. I think parents often. If we don't understand something, we tend to even accidentally give this feeling of fear. And then our kids learn that, they can read us enough, that they can tell that it's uncomfortable, it's fearful. There's something different about this person. we have a friend who, struggles and has some physical things and.

I see people look and I'm like, Ugh. you just don't always know how to respond. So from your perspective, because you have this unique perspective on both sides, being a kid and being a mom. What would you say to parents who find that their kids are fearful of what they don't understand and it's a person, you know, what would 

Dori Durbin: Yeah. 

Maria: I would tell them it's, you don't have to be perfect, but as long as you are just trying and making an effort [00:17:00] to either get to know them or even just a simple, like hi to them and making them feel. Included, and you don't have to know their language at all, but if you just go up to them and make an effort, like maybe instead of staring, tell them, oh, I love your language, or give them a, compliment or something like that, just makes it, puts it outside of the box and it puts their guard down and it doesn't make them feel like they are being stared at 

Made fun of, or I isolated. So I think for me it's just to make, make an effort to do a, a si a simple theme. Like, hi, you have a pretty dress on, or I, I love your shirt, or I love, that, that, you know, sign language. 

Dori Durbin: What is a good way for a parent to model it yourself ? 

Maria: I've always taught. Rian and, Jordan to accept everybody. You never make anybody feel left out. You always include people and if you see somebody making fun of them, jump in. And, defend them and protect them [00:18:00] because I think that if you lead with example, if I'm being kind to everybody, if they see me giving people compliments, that's what they learn.

And I think that we are the teachers of the children. So everything starts with us. 

Dori Durbin: Yeah. Yeah, so true. So true. So we're learning a lot here. We're learning all about American Sign language. 

We're learning about body language, we're learning about communicating, listening, being kind and empathetic to other people.

Would you say there was, if something else from your childhood experience that if you could tell parents, Hey, if you could do this one thing for your kid, what would that one thing be?

Maria: it would be being a better parent D doesn't mean doing more like it, it just means becoming more aware.

So I think that I would tell the child to be aware of yours, surroundings, you know, if they're, if some, if someone's sad or someone's being , made fun of. And so for me, I would teach them as a young kid to [00:19:00] go out and, Make it your own mission to help people and empower other kids.

 'cause that's what makes them resilient. And I think that if there's one thing that I want parents to remember is that your awareness is more powerful than perfection. Like you do not have to have. Perfection at all. And when you choose, connection over control, you raise children who don't just survive in the world, .

Dori Durbin: Yes. I love that connection over control. That's beautiful. You're not gonna believe this, but we're almost down to our last question time wise, 

I would love to know how people can learn more about your book, how they can learn more about you and your family.

so if you could give them that information, that'd be awesome. 

Maria: So, my book is on all book platforms, Amazon. I'm actually, Amazon's net number one bestseller. And so we have a website, so it's raised in silence.com for the book, and they can reach me@galluccihomes.com. 

Dori Durbin: . Perfect. Okay. So if someone is listening right [00:20:00] now, and \ they feel like they're constantly holding everything together for the kids, their partner and their work.

Dori Durbin: What is one simple communication practice that they can use in the middle of the hard time to just interrupt the stress before it spills over onto their kids? 

Maria I think, it would be to show up for them. And, I think that we as parents are so busy and we're always thinking of other things and thinking of the next thing.

And I think even if you just take five minutes my favorite time was driving him to school. And so, because during that time I was able to connect with him and I was able to, talk to him. And I think that communication and being open with your kids is huge.

And now to this day, I talk to , both my kids every day, and I see them for lunch every week. So it makes you closer to them as well. 

Dori Durbin: I feel like that's great advice. It really is just to be able to be connected. Mm-hmm. And like we said before in the beginning, listening, hearing, feeling, all those things as a parent.

Maria, I really appreciate your perspective. I love your story. [00:21:00] I want the listeners to know that no parent is perfect all the time. We all have moments where we react instead of respond in the right way. So when we miss the moment, we just have to pick things up and actually just say it's okay, because then there's another day.

Maria: Right? So the last thing that I'm gonna say is if you could say one thing. To that is really important to you connection wise, between the Kef deaf community and the hearing community, what would that one thing be that you really wish could be there? 

bridging the gap because I feel like the, hearing people don't know what to do if they're in that situation.

So I think that if we just encourage people just to have connection and, I love hearing those conversations of somebody who can't hear in the airport and someone who was hearing noticed that they were struggling and went to help them. And I, I think it's just, it's all about connection and helping.

Dori Durbin: I love it. Maria, thank you so much for your time [00:22:00] today. Again, check her out, look at her book, get her book, and we will talk next time. Thank you so much, Maria. 

Maria: Thank you so much for having me.