Dori Durbin solo podcast

Dori: 

[00:00:00] Welcome to, that's Good Parenting, the podcast that searches for simple steps to reduce your parenting stress. I'm your host, Dori Durbin, children's book illustrator, book coach, ghost writer, and podcaster. And most of my work is with experts, therapist, educators, coaches, speakers who all want to turn their work into children's book that actually land with families and kids.

And through that work, I also hear from parents, parents who care very deeply, who are paying attention, who are genuinely wanting to do the right thing for their kids. Today, I want to talk about something that I see come up over and over in both spaces, revision and decision making, and how those two things actually work together because revision without decision can keep us stuck and decision without thoughtful revision can feel rigid.

The sweet spot is somewhere in the middle. So, like I said, one of the most common things I hear from authors is, [00:01:00] can we just make one more change? And what's interesting is that I've heard parents describe something very similar, just using a little bit different language. I've heard things like, I just keep adjusting because I wanna make sure that I'm doing things right.

I don't want to lock myself into the wrong approach. While on the surface this sounds very thoughtful, responsible, and caring, what I've actually learned is that when someone keeps revising, whether it's the manuscript or parenting approach, it's often not about improving that thing itself. It's about hesitating to land.

So here's something I've learned as a children's book coach. Revision and decision making are not opposites. They go together. Revision without decision, leads to overwhelm. Decision without revision can feel too tight. My role as coach and illustrator is not to encourage endless changes. That would take our process [00:02:00] forever.

My role is actually to help people find and make a few thoughtful decisions, refine what's already working, and then protect the heart of the story long enough for it to do its job. Instead of asking what else can we add? I'm usually asking, what's the best part of this? What does a child actually need right now?

What's the next step? Not every single step from here on out. That's where decision making comes in. Kids are very much the same way. They don't need more information. They need clear containers. When we create children's books, we're not trying to teach kids everything. We're creating a space where kids can focus on one thing, they can experience and emotion safely.

They can see a situation play out at a distance they can try on new ideas. Without any pressure. That only works when that content is contained. When revisions [00:03:00] go on forever, stories lose the container. They lose focus. They get louder and messier instead of direct and clear. Parents have reflected this to me too, that kids seem more engaged and calmer when the message stays consistent, when their language doesn't keep shifting and when the emotional arc feels steady.

That steadiness really matters. This is especially true when it comes to main character creation in kids' books. When authors struggle to choose a character, it's often because they want the character to do everything in the whole book. They want the character to embody every single person that they could ever write the book four.

But a main character isn't meant to carry every idea. . Main character is one lens. It gives kids a way to explore feelings and situations without being distracted or overwhelmed, and that only works when we stop revising long enough for the character to become safe and [00:04:00] familiar. That's part of my job helping authors decide who the story belongs to and when we honor that decision.

Another thing I'm very intentional about is helping books support both kids and their parents. Parents have told me that they love books that give them language that they can reuse with their kids, that help them to talk about something hard without a big lecture, and they let the book carry part of the emotional load itself.

For experts. This is really powerful because the book becomes a simple tool that families can return to over and over again. It's a shared common language between the parent and child, and it's a really great extension of the expert's work. That only happens when the story is clear, consistent, and contained.

So when I slow revisions down or limit them, it's not to limit creativity. It's honestly to protect emotional safety for kids, [00:05:00] clarity for parents, and the integrity of the expert's message. We make changes, we refine, and then we commit long enough for the story to do its job. That's how stories become something.

Families return true over and over again, because they're usable and they hit the moment we most need to address. I'll leave you with this other thought. It's a side thought. Honestly, if you're someone who enjoys helping shape ideas and make decisions, like seeing how children's books come together behind the scenes, wants early access to new manuscripts and upcoming projects, or enjoys having sneak peeks into the stories we're creating for kids,

then that's good Parenting Club is for you. It's a behind the scenes space for people who care about the stories we put into children's hands, and want to be part of the process. You can find details in the show notes and join. So all in all, I want you [00:06:00] listeners to know that revision has its place.

So does decision and when we allow both to work together, recreate stories and experiences for our kids that feel steady, supportive and very meaningful, 

And after facing a day full of decisions and revisions, it's nice to be able to read a book, settle back, and enjoy something together. And end the day saying, well, that, that moment, that was good parity. Talk to you soon.