[00:00:00] Nikisha King: A roadmap is not living in the future, but having a vision for your future. And when you have a vision for your future, you get to dictate what your day to day is to the present moment.

[00:00:12] Nikisha King: Why I love a roadmap. If you don't know where you're going, you don't go anywhere, you get stagnant. You don't know how to even manage your day to day. And in my business, this helps tremendously because there's a vision for what I'm doing and speaking and being a coach and helping other people create their roadmap and then understanding the steps to get there.

[00:00:38] Dori Durbin: Welcome to That's Good Parenting, where I search for simple steps to reduce your parenting stress. I'm your host, children's book illustrator, coach, ghostwriter, and podcaster, Dori Durbin.

[00:00:51] Dori Durbin: Okay, parents, do you ever wish that your kids were more responsible, resilient, independent, or Just would put away their laundry. Maybe you're [00:01:00] wondering is it too late to change what they're doing or am I preparing them for life and I just kind of messed up? Fear not. I have answers and an amazing guest today to help you.

[00:01:11] Dori Durbin: She is a disruptive coach and the creator of Business Essentials Academy or BE Academy. She's dedicated to shaking things up and pushing her creative entrepreneurs out of their comfort zones. Her mission is to help you reclaim your time, reignite your passion and build a business that works for you and not the other way around.

[00:01:31] Dori Durbin: So welcome to the show, Nakisha the King.

[00:01:34] Nikisha King: Hi, my love. How are you, Dory? Thank you so much for allowing me to be here with your guests, your amazing audience. And I just love the conversation we're going to have today. It's so much. Fun. And of course, anything with children, especially teens, how fun can that be?

[00:01:51] Dori Durbin: Nikisha we talked before and they never get to hear some of that, but we vibed on a lot of our parenting successes [00:02:00] and failures. Let's put it that way. And I know that when it comes to parenting, we want to do it just fine. Perfectly right, but sometimes we just don't so I'm going to ask you the hard question right off the bat.

[00:02:11] Dori Durbin: Yes. Have you ever had? Parenting decisions that you've made that have been regrettable or maybe ended in a way that you didn't like 

[00:02:20] Nikisha King: So when it comes to decisions, let's even say what that is, right? Like I feel like there's no right decision. There's moments where my husband and I, like my 13 year old, she's just turned 13 and over the break, we had her go out without parenting.

[00:02:36] Nikisha King: Like no parents were with them. They went to the movies. It's a car ride away. So it's not like down the block in our neighborhood. And of course I'm like, It's going to be okay. Like I'm the person who's don't worry, hon. My husband is of course, sweating bullets. He's do you want me to go park in the parking lot?

[00:02:54] Nikisha King: I'm like, no. But deep down, I'm like, oh my God, all the things that can [00:03:00] happen, what happens if someone comes in the theater, what happens if this was, and I'm like, you have to calm down because this has to happen. It has to happen. And in that decision, it had to be like, instead of thinking of all the negative, think about the positive.

[00:03:15] Nikisha King: Think about the ability that she can be in a theater. She was able to use her Apple watch to purchase her food by herself for the first time. She was able to go in the theater, sit with her friends. Watch a movie for two hours, even if she didn't like it, she stayed. She didn't complain to me because I wasn't there.

[00:03:33] Nikisha King: And they got back home safely. And in that moment, it felt like a decision that I shouldn't have made. I'm like, it's too early, but I realized it was a really good decision because in the summer we had her prepare. She did a summer camp where they went on a bus ride to the New York city. I'm in Jersey and she has camp counselors, but once again, she didn't have me.

[00:03:57] Nikisha King: And even when she came home, it was so amazing. There was a [00:04:00] day she came home from her one of the trips they did. And she was like, this was the first time I looked around for you and dad and I didn't find you guys. Like it was just me. I had to learn how to make my decisions. I was like, Hey man, hallelujah.

[00:04:11] Nikisha King: Like we're getting somewhere. And that moment was pivotal because that's our journey with our kids to help them learn how to become independent because guess what? We're going to leave physically and they're going to have to survive. So if we keep hand holding and they don't know how to transition into adulthood or to independence.

[00:04:36] Nikisha King: What are we doing? And then people have ages on that. Here's the thing, if they can think for themselves. That's when the time begins. That's how I see it. It's not an age thing. It's how are they mentally and getting them prepared to do it more. So that's where it wasn't a perfect, I don't know about perfect or imperfect.

[00:04:57] Nikisha King: It was just a decision. I was just like, Oh my God, but I'm [00:05:00] happy. I did it. And everything worked out. 

[00:05:02] Dori Durbin: You're it's one aspect. You're proud of yourself for sending her off and doing the thing. But in the other aspect, you're like, can you just come back? Just check in with me every two minutes.

[00:05:11] Dori Durbin: Now that's a huge step. And you're right. If they don't take some of those steps and we don't trust them to take them, they're not going to take them. And far better to have you involved in making those steps than have you not know about them. Cause they're going to, that's how I feel.

[00:05:26] Nikisha King: That is how I feel when it comes to the whole transition of parenting because I rather her do a lot of stuff at home where I can guide rather than go into college and experience everything for the first time and not having any understanding and being totally like I'm going to do everything because I've never been alone.

[00:05:46] Nikisha King: Or to the movies by myself, right? My, those situations. 

[00:05:50] Dori Durbin: Yeah. No, that's excellent. One of the things that I think makes you have that perspective, maybe, is you talked about having a shift in your own [00:06:00] experience in 2021, when you realized that having a roadmap was a good thing. And I think, I'm kind of jumping ahead, but pulling back a little bit, just because I think when we think of our kids, we think of the next day, we don't think about down the road, what this is going to look like if we do or don't do something.

[00:06:18] Dori Durbin: So can you talk a little bit about your experience of having a roadmap and why that helped you just in your business and even if it applied to your personal life?

[00:06:27] Nikisha King: So a roadmap is not living in the future, but having a vision for your future. And when you have a vision for your future, you get to dictate what your day to day is to the present moment.

[00:06:40] Nikisha King: So they go together. Why I love a roadmap. If you don't know where you're going, you don't go anywhere, you get stagnant. You don't know how to even manage your day to day. And in my business, this helps tremendously because there's a vision for what I'm doing and speaking and being a [00:07:00] coach and helping other people create their roadmap and then understanding the steps to get there.

[00:07:07] Nikisha King: It's the same thing with my personal, since my kids were born, we were from Brooklyn, Brooklyn is not a nice suburban place. It is the city and being raised there. When I first found out I was pregnant, I was questioning, OMG, where am I sending my child for schooling? Like it's very diverse. I've been in the school system.

[00:07:27] Nikisha King: I made it out alive. Thank God. But I just started having all these thoughts and somehow when she was school age, we moved to the suburbs. And it was a whole different experience, right? All my concerns did not play out. And as she just started to mature and my husband, there was a moment where I was doing everything for everyone.

[00:07:49] Nikisha King: And I always thought if I. You don't know when death is coming at your door. So if I'm gone, who's going to take care of you. And the last thing I wanted was my mother in law or my mom [00:08:00] to step in and manage my kids. I didn't want that because I love them, but the way they raised us was so different than how I wanted to raise my kids.

[00:08:09] Nikisha King: So I remember having this idea, how can I help them survive without me? What would that look like? Roadmap, right? What are the things they need to learn today? So if I go, they're good. Washing clothes at five or like my youngest was three. So she didn't wash them, but she would totally fold them up. And that's like a wraparound, but starting to teach them how to do that, how to put the clothes in the wash one thing at a time, not the whole process, but just to put it in, put it on, put the soap in as they got older, then they got to do that.

[00:08:41] Nikisha King: My husband's not a chef. He doesn't really cook, but I remember there's a dish that I was making. He loved. I, he learned how to do it because I was like, listen, if I die, you better be able to feed my kids. Do not play, do not do anything else. You got to be able to cook them a meal and take care of them.

[00:08:57] Nikisha King: You guys, oh, you guys will be mourning, but you [00:09:00] can do that. Nowadays we don't need to do that because this was before Uber eats and all the things. This was all before that everyone, just in case now they could survive. But I always wanted to make sure that they had. The ability to take care of themself.

[00:09:16] Nikisha King: So everything I did today was for that. Even my girls, we used to have a house cleaning service. And then we canceled it and we started cleaning up as a family, my kids got their room, the two girls, now one of them have a bathroom. We have three. So it's one has two and like a half and the other one has one me and my husband.

[00:09:38] Nikisha King: I do my room, the kitchen, my husband do all the floors. Cause I was like, I'm not mopping. I that's the last one. I didn't want sweeping and mopping was not my thing. So he took that and he took the living room and. What it did is create us to clean together. So it's not a you or me. It's our household. We take care of together.

[00:09:55] Nikisha King: And here's the thing. It teaches them how to be a good roommate when they go to college. [00:10:00] I'm always thinking about those moments. I did not want my kids to go to college and be the person who doesn't know how to clean the bathroom. And they're like, you don't know how to clean. You don't know the sponge.

[00:10:10] Nikisha King: You don't know what this is. And I was like, I didn't want that for them. I wanted someone who would like room with them and be like, Oh my God, you're like an amazing roommate. You know what I mean? And trust me, my youngest one, she's getting better. She throws the clothes everywhere and we just go, Lord, we just keep praying, but we don't say anything too much and she's getting better, but it's just those moments.

[00:10:31] Nikisha King: That's what a roadmap does. It gives you an idea of what the future may look like. And then what you do today presents that future for you. And I love it in my personal and I love it in my business. It's the best gift we have as human beings because not all animals can think about their future. No dog is doing it.

[00:10:50] Nikisha King: No cat is doing it. No bird is doing it. They do not live in any moment, but the moment that they have, right? But as human beings, that's our gift. [00:11:00] So why can't we use it? That's awesome. 

[00:11:02] Dori Durbin: I love the perspective of having the next thing, like preparing for the next thing because we do, we sit into our habits and our routines so much, even as parents.

[00:11:12] Dori Durbin: And we're like, yeah, I'll do it. I'll just do it. I'll take you there. I'll, I'll help you. And even though that's great and it gives them a sense of security, it doesn't prepare them for anything. 

[00:11:22] Nikisha King: No, it doesn't. I've seen some of that. We've had some of that. I'm like, Oh my goodness, what is happening?

[00:11:28] Nikisha King: It's great. Yeah. 

[00:11:29] Dori Durbin: Yeah. So it's interesting then that with this road map in your mind, you became a disruptive coach because when I think of disruptive, I think of behaviors that are causing things to go off. A plan. So tell us a little bit about what a disruptive coach does. 

[00:11:46] Nikisha King: So as a disruptive coach, I have the pleasure of working with my clients where they have a story in their mind and the story is affecting how they grow their business.

[00:11:56] Nikisha King: The story is affecting how they engage with people they love [00:12:00] and I allow them to tell me their story and then I help them reframe it. I disrupted, I give them a different point of view where they get a lot of aha moments because they never was able to see what I see and disrupting. It doesn't mean as catastrophic.

[00:12:15] Nikisha King: It just gives them tad bits or like cookie crumbs of how to see things. And once they see it, it opens up a whole new world for them. And when they have this new idea, this aha moment, Did options get bigger? They no longer are limited to what the story they were telling themselves consistently or what someone else was telling them.

[00:12:42] Nikisha King: You have to realize as business owners, as parents, we're still human. And as we were growing up, someone was conditioning us based on their beliefs and how things should be done. And as adults, we kept that realizing we didn't have an opportunity to reframe [00:13:00] it. And as a coach. Some of my clients, when they come to me and they live by the same rules or the same ideas, it minimizes what they can do because we live in different times, different opportunities.

[00:13:13] Nikisha King: And when that happens, some people get stuck, but when you disrupt it and you give them a new vision, a new idea, that's when they get to see the possibilities of what can be. And that for me is everything because when they find that awareness. They're world shifts and it's you don't have to do anything.

[00:13:35] Nikisha King: All you have to do is help them see a new possibility, disrupt the story. And it's, it seems so simple because it's really something I love doing, but just the, Oh my, just the shift, the change, the there. I just, I'm amazed at what it does for them. As a disruptive coach, I get to do that in my personal life because it's not really a coaching [00:14:00] specific.

[00:14:00] Nikisha King: It's just a value and a skill that I have. So even with my young ladies, and sometimes it's not like I intentionally do it. I just, when they say something and I go what if. And they're younger. So they're going to always fight me back, which I give them all right to. But at the same time, they get to practice it.

[00:14:19] Nikisha King: My oldest, every time we have a conversation, she goes to school and she comes home. She's ma, I saw it. And I'm like, what did you see? She was like, remember that thing you told me this person did it. And I saw it. And I was like, Oh, you get to experience the things I tell you. I'm like, this is so good.

[00:14:34] Nikisha King: Because. It's not experiencing it from me by me telling you consistently, but if I share what I know and you go out and you see it, then you have your aha moment. And that, that is, that's gold for me. That's all I am here for. I'm not here to tell them the rules. I'm not here to minimize who they are.

[00:14:59] Nikisha King: But to guide [00:15:00] them, show them, and then allow them to make their decision. So that's like the best gift as a disruptive coach for my clients and for the people I love. 

[00:15:11] Dori Durbin: I remember when we talked last, you had an incident at Costco, if you remember, and it was like a day where like you really, honestly, when I was listening to you, you were not complaining, you were not.

[00:15:25] Dori Durbin: Saying it was a horrible experience. Your perspective was very positive. I was celebrating. You were at Costco and you're celebrating the busyness. Are you serious? 

[00:15:36] Nikisha King: I was enjoying every moment. I've never had so much fun. And I had a call with you and I'm just like grateful we were able to connect and I didn't have to cancel it.

[00:15:44] Nikisha King: But it was before Thanksgiving. It's a Monday morning. I don't think Costco will be full on a Monday morning before the what Thursday Thanksgiving I get in. It seems fine. And then all of a sudden I was seeing all the people, they were rushing [00:16:00] carts was like colliding. I'm like, what is going on?

[00:16:03] Nikisha King: So I'm patient. I'm just like, keep your calm. And then I go for the line. The line is making a big U in the store. I've never done that. It's never in my nine years of going to that Costco bid on a U. Like that. And as I'm standing there, enjoying my time, people are complaining. They're doing all the things and I'm just like, everything's going to be okay.

[00:16:23] Nikisha King: And I come out and then I'm like, I look at the time, my alarms are set for my meetings and it goes off and I'm like packing the car and I'm like, I got a call with Dory. Do I reschedule? I'm like, no, I can do this. And I get everything packed and get in the car, get on zoom and I wait for you for 10 minutes.

[00:16:38] Nikisha King: Cause while I'm driving, I can't get on. So I'm like, I'm just going to do this. And I'm just like, first and foremost. I went in with a smile. I got to even meet a lady, me and her was chatting. She was like, the line is long. I'm like, I get to connect. My friend was coming in when I was leaving. I was like, listen, if you don't got to be here, go do not go.

[00:16:56] Nikisha King: It is chaotic. And I still got [00:17:00] to engage with the cashier. Who I didn't know, but I was like able to say her name that for me is so important because what it told me was I was in the present. I didn't let my external dictate the joy inside of me every day. I get to go in the world. I get to dictate what my state is.

[00:17:17] Nikisha King: And my state from my internal is joy. What that means if someone comes and say anything to me, it's not going to bother me because it has nothing to do with me. I get to decide if someone's statement is going to affect me or someone's behavior. It's not, no one makes me feel any way. My kids don't make me feel agitated, upset, frustrated.

[00:17:40] Nikisha King: My husband doesn't make me feel what happens normally is when I get agitated frustrated, it's a thought I'm having. So if I went to Costco and I walked out frustrated and I got on call, but you frustrated, what would have happened is The story I'm telling myself would have been, why all these people coming on a Monday?

[00:17:59] Nikisha King: Why they got to [00:18:00] do this? Why they got to break up the line in Costco? Why they can't keep it this way? Why they let all these people in? Why didn't leave them? I could go on blaming everything else outside of me. But the fact that I no longer do that, because yes, I did do that for 30 years of my life, 40 years of my life.

[00:18:18] Nikisha King: I did that. It felt good to be able. To know the work that I did on myself actually works. It is the product of the time I invested in loving me. I invested in going from scarcity. It's abundant, disrupting the way that I see things. That is the proof that I needed. So when you called and we spoke, I was just in a state of joy because it actually works.

[00:18:44] Nikisha King: Everything came at me when I mean everything. I was just like, I got out of there unscathed and I spent 700. I've never went to Costco and spent 700 on anything. And I was like, Oh, this is what everyone's talking about. Now I get to experience [00:19:00] that too. This is real. So all of these things were happening, but I didn't come out beaten down that, Oh my God.

[00:19:11] Nikisha King: That's all I need in my life to know that, Oh, I finally got somewhere like this is good stuff. So the fact that I get to work with people and help them get to that point, Oh my gosh, that's a gift. Cause I practice it. You know what I mean? If you practice something. Or you preach about something. If I don't practice it, I would feel like people call it, I don't know what they call it, like a hypocrite.

[00:19:36] Nikisha King: And that's the one thing I don't value. My integrity, my word is everything. So the fact that everything changed in that moment and I got on call with you, I was like, this was a really good day. Thank you. Thank you so much. I needed this, it was good.

[00:19:50] Dori Durbin: Yeah, it definitely was a different approach than I think a lot of people would have come to the interview with and I appreciate it because we did, we had a great conversation just about [00:20:00] it.

[00:20:00] Dori Durbin: And I think it actually brings up another question in my mind with parenting too, because I think that perspective of how other people respond to you, like you said, you're not in charge of how they respond to you. You don't have to feel what they're feeling. That happens with parenting too.

[00:20:17] Dori Durbin: I joked about this, that how was your day trap? It's like when you're having these conversations with your kids, you're bringing sometimes everything with you or they're bringing everything with them. So I think another really amazing thing that you talked about was the questions that you ask kids that are more fun and engaging than just how was your day?

[00:20:39] Dori Durbin: So maybe you could talk a little bit about that for us as well. 

[00:20:41] Nikisha King: So when my kids were younger and they came home, hold on,

[00:20:46] Nikisha King: when my kids were younger and they came home, I would ask, how was your day? And in that moment, they would just go fine. And I was like did anything happen? What else [00:21:00] happened? I'm, I want to know, tell me. And I'm like, no, everything was fine. Like I went to school, I learned, they're not very enthusiastic to go to school.

[00:21:07] Nikisha King: So you don't get so much. And then I don't know what brought this little bit, but I stopped asking him, how was your day? And I said, what makes you LOL? What I started speaking first, their language. And then I asked them what makes them LOL. And here's the thing. When you ask specific questions, they have to go retrieve information.

[00:21:31] Nikisha King: So now they got to stop doing whatever they're doing and go and pick that moment out. And then here's the best part. When they find the moment, they actually, LOL, right in front of you, they chuckle, they go, Oh my God, and they chuckle. And then they tell you about it. How amazing is it to move them from a space of I'm home?

[00:21:53] Nikisha King: Let me, I'm hungry. I want a snack to a moment where they chuckle again. Because they recalled an LOL [00:22:00] moment. And then when they tell you it, you get to LOL because more or less somebody did something they weren't supposed to be doing. And you get to laugh on their behalf. And those moments became a special moment because there are moments I would ask those questions now, because it's part of our day to day and they rushed to tell me because you have two kids and they want to tell you my oldest one comes home from middle school now, and she always have something to tell me.

[00:22:28] Nikisha King: It doesn't even have to be a LOL moment, mom, let me tell you what happened. I'm like, yes, and I have to stop doing everything because if I don't, I can't be rewarded with these good moments. So that means if I'm doing something with work, I stop, I turn, I give eye contact and I'm intrigued. I'm like, yes, whatever it is.

[00:22:47] Nikisha King: And for me, that means a lot because this is how I look at it as a mom, who's doing that small bit. When the bigger bits come and the bigger moments come, I want them to know [00:23:00] that they can tell me that as much as the little moments. Once again, it's a roadmap. People don't realize like I'm always 10 step ahead.

[00:23:07] Nikisha King: How can I get my kids to trust me when they're in their 20s and they're no longer living with me? How do I get them to call me to tell me that LOL moment? It's how I behave today that gives me that moment. So those are some of the questions I ask, what's your LOL? There's a moment where I asked, did you fail today?

[00:23:27] Nikisha King: How did you feel? So I make it easy and they'll tell me if it's a math problem that gave it. I'm like what solution did you come up with? Did you find a solution? Tell me a little bit more about that. Sometimes I'm asking them, who do you get in a fight with? They always laugh because they don't fight.

[00:23:43] Nikisha King: So I'm like, who you got in a fight with? They're like, no one like they don't fight. So I'm like, thank God. So these are the moments I have fun and I get to parents and I always look forward to these moments when they're toddlers, they can't give you those answers. This, these are the moments and I [00:24:00] love them.

[00:24:00] Nikisha King: I truly do. 

[00:24:02] Dori Durbin: One thing you may or may not have experienced yet is those conversations where they have like maybe an interest in somebody else. And so then you're like trying to find out more about this relationship that's developing. And my kids are in their twenties and so now we have boyfriends and girlfriends.

[00:24:20] Dori Durbin: And so when those situations start to enter in and you say, how was your day? Fine. You're not going to get a whole lot there. 

[00:24:29] Nikisha King: That's the interesting part. So that happens, right? Cause 13 year old young ladies have interests, right? My daughter always acts innocent. So I usually got to pry that one out of her, but her friend's stories, hopefully no one knows this, but she shares a little bit.

[00:24:45] Nikisha King: And when she share a little bit, I don't make it about her friends, but I go who's your guy? And I've always been open with my daughter about partnerships. About relationships. We do speak about everything. There is nothing off the table. I'm very [00:25:00] verbal. I'm, I have a health background, so I don't mince my words.

[00:25:03] Nikisha King: I use them very clearly express what something is. I don't do birds and bees. I tell you what it is. They know all the things and it's okay that they know it, but what I want them to do is be able to come home and ask me about it because their friends interpretation of it might not be the best way because that parent's not sharing.

[00:25:23] Nikisha King: So they learn from online and their friends and I'm like, no, you come to me. I deliver. I'm very clear dating. Yes. We already spoke about hoping not to have intercourse. I give you till 18. Why? Because at that age, you can make a responsible decision about sharing your body with someone you truly care about, who cares about you and who's not trying things because they saw something on a video, right?

[00:25:51] Nikisha King: We get into all these conversations today. My youngest one is 10. I try to talk to her, she's I'm not trying to hear it. She's I am [00:26:00] not that age. Here's what she did the other day. She came to me and she was like, mom, when can I go to town by myself? I said, when you allow me to talk to you about all the things you don't want to talk about.

[00:26:10] Nikisha King: When you start talking to me about those things and I get to talk to you, then I'll let you go anywhere on your own. But if you don't sit down and have the conversations that your older sister does, then I can't allow you because you're not going with the information you need. And I was so happy when she came and said, when can I go to Starbucks with my friend?

[00:26:31] Nikisha King: That's in town. That's like a mile walk. It's an easy walk. I was like, when you start letting me talk to you, cause right now you don't want to talk. But once we started talking, that's when your world gets bigger.

[00:26:43] Dori Durbin: That's it. That's it. So it was so good. 

[00:26:46] Nikisha King: It was good when she came to me and I'm having, my brain came up with that.

[00:26:49] Nikisha King: I was like, you're good. You're getting better at this because I would have been like, no, you could just say, no, I'm never going to let you go until you're 13, but it's not about your age, it's [00:27:00] about the information. And I was like, oh, this is how I get you because she's different. She processed really quick and she doesn't seem to feel comfortable.

[00:27:12] Nikisha King: And I'm like, no, but we have to, cause I just, I don't know. I just will love for you to have it. And it's clear to you, but my older, when we do have the conversations about partnerships, they are, she's allowed if she had a boyfriend to date and I would love for that person to have it come to our house, get to know them, get to know their parents, they don't have to be high school lovers.

[00:27:36] Nikisha King: They could break up, but we want to be expressive with that. Yeah. This is all new. You're learning how to be better in learning about relationships as you get older. So I don't want her to start older because at that point she's late in the game. But if she starts now slowly understanding, what is she like?

[00:27:55] Nikisha King: Who is she? So these are the things we kind of work on. 

[00:27:59] Dori Durbin: That's awesome. [00:28:00] That is awesome. Let me ask you this. If you had a parent come to you and you said, they said, could I have three pieces of advice as far as having this relationship with my kids? What would those three pieces of advice be?

[00:28:15] Nikisha King: One, when you ask them about their day, make it specific. What made you LOL is a great one. Cause they do have that. Is there anything that made you mad today? Is there any way you feel today? Ask specific questions so they can go and retrieve the information. And 2, I would say. If anyone tells you, or if you have a teen or preteen and someone goes, Oh, those teenage years go.

[00:28:40] Nikisha King: It's okay. Because teenagers are not as bad as you think they are. Here's the definition of what a teen year mean. It's a time when they get to know who they are in front of your beautiful eyes as a parent. It's a time where you can guide them, not tell them how and what and all the things, but guide them.

[00:28:59] Nikisha King: So when [00:29:00] they're starting to make the change, they make it in a space that's safe for them rather than when they go away. And now that space is different than your home. Another thing I would say to a parent is everything you take do for yourself is a benefit for your household. It's not selfish. In order for me to be the parent I am today, I had to learn how to love me.

[00:29:23] Nikisha King: I had to learn how to not love me, but spa and nail care, nothing like that, but love me, meaning I know my value. Every time I show up in the world, I know exactly what I'm contributing to help anyone in the world be better. When I learned that about me, my husband, my daughters, my parents, everyone benefited.

[00:29:47] Nikisha King: No longer was I upset at a story or the past. But I was able to show up with any, without any conditions of who and how they should be. And that for [00:30:00] me was everything. So one, ask deeper questions. Especially the LL one. That's a good one to the teen years are the best years. You get to be a part of their life, not they get to be a part of yours, but you get to be a part of their life.

[00:30:15] Nikisha King: You get to see them blossom and three full in love with you. Because once you do. Everyone else benefits from that. 

[00:30:25] Dori Durbin: Awesome. That is awesome. Tell us where they can find you and anything coming up that they should know about. 

[00:30:31] Nikisha King: You definitely can find me on my Instagram at N K biz, B I Z guru G U R U.

[00:30:38] Nikisha King: And what I have coming up I'm launching, relaunching my third season, my podcast leading her way. So you could find the link in my Instagram page. That's where you get to hear so much more value from me. And if you visit my page, I have speaking engagements and things of that nature that you can stay in contact and DM me if you want to, I'm happy to help in [00:31:00] any way.

[00:31:01] Dori Durbin: That's awesome. Nikisha, you are so much fun to talk to and I know we had probably three more hours worth of material that we could cover, but I just want to thank you so much for your time today and your insight for our parents and just being so human to be the parent that you really are. That's amazing.

[00:31:18] Nikisha King: Thank you, Dory, for having me. Thank you for allowing me to share. And trust me, there is no such thing as perfect parent. Will things go wrong? Yes, they will. But how I perceive it will be different than the norm. How I digest it will be different than the norm. So that's what I'm looking forward to.

[00:31:36] Nikisha King: I look forward to things going wrong. Let's challenge me. Let's see how you're doing joy. Yeah, thank you. 

[00:31:43] Dori Durbin: Thank you so much.