[00:00:00] Lum Frundi: We have to take care of certain things whether it's the behaviors, whether it's the habits and stuff that maybe we have certain things that we've done to lead us to where we are, and maybe the same things that our parents did to get them to where they are.

[00:00:16] Lum Frundi: If we don't start taking or making the changes now, our kids are going to end up with the same diagnosis, with those same behaviors, with those same things that may not be serving us.

[00:00:26] Dori Durbin: Many parents wish that they could change their family's less desirable, genetics and reduce the chances of heart disease, diabetes, or even obesity. And the thing is that we don't think that we can, or can we. This episode is rich with suggestions and expert advice. To make simple lifestyle changes to really make a difference in your family's life. 

[00:00:51] Dori Durbin: So, if you're wondering how you can help model healthy lifestyle habits and behaviors, how your sleep nutrition, physical activity routines affects your kids' health. Or even how to make doable, gradual changes so that your health and your kids' health is better than this episode is for you. 

[00:01:09] Dori Durbin: Dr. Lum is a pediatrician and founder of generational wellbeing, which is an online innovative platform for health.  Dr. Lum is also on a mission to help mothers raise healthy, vibrant children and break the cycle of generational health issues. Listen in. 

[00:01:26] Dori Durbin: I love what you're doing with the generational well being. so it's an online program then? Is that how it works?

[00:01:35] Lum Frundi: Yeah, so right now it's online. I started this, after 2020 when I had downtime and really if you notice I was more so online on Facebook. book and on Instagram. And now I want to, what I'm working towards is having a group coaching program where you really talk to parents like, okay, if you're struggling with this, creating habits and stuff like that, because to me, I talk about habits all the time because it's.

[00:02:03] Lum Frundi: It's like the beginning of everything, whether it is discipline or behavior or anything is because there's some kind of offset somewhere, or either that we communication or if I'm having a diagnosis of diabetes, it's what have you been doing for the past 20 years? It didn't just start today. 

[00:02:21] Dori Durbin: True. And probably I'm guessing you run across people, a lot of parents that don't realize. That these little habits are going to 

[00:02:29] Dori Durbin: become really good things later. 

[00:02:31] Lum Frundi: Exactly. Cause it's just my frustration. I think when I first started practicing was very like, Oh, just check the blood tests to see if they've now been diagnosed with diabetes per se, because it runs in my family.

[00:02:46] Lum Frundi: Because there's that idea that it has nothing to do with me or what I do is my genes. And I'll just keep doing what I've been doing until I get that diagnosis and then we get medications and then we keep going, but medications [00:03:00] don't fix the problem. 

[00:03:02] Dori Durbin: Yeah, we're just treating the symptoms and not realizing that they can actually prevent.

[00:03:06] Lum Frundi: Exactly. And then that same language that you're still having this conversations in front of the kids. So they're hearing it. And in their minds, they know that, Oh, there's nothing I can do about it. I am going to get diagnosed with diabetes by the time I'm maybe 20 or 30, because it runs in my family.

[00:03:26] Lum Frundi: So guess what? That 20 year old will come into my office and say, which I did have one the other day. Oh, I felt so Oh I was just scared because I had palpitations and I was told that I was going to end up with a A heart problem because it runs with my family. So I just wanted to get it checked out.

[00:03:43] Lum Frundi: So it's like anything, you go through life waiting for that to happen. And we all know that. , our lives go in the direction of how, what we think, what we expect. We end up getting what we expect out of life.

[00:03:55] Lum Frundi: And if we expect to be sick, guess what?

[00:03:59] Dori Durbin: Yeah. You can find [00:04:00] a way for your body to do it. 

[00:04:01] Lum Frundi: Find a way your body has a way, your thoughts and your feelings and your everything. It goes in that way. Your body's always going to find a way to help you get to that point of your expectations. So you're expecting bad things to happen.

[00:04:14] Lum Frundi: Guess what is going to happen? And it's I knew it was going to happen. How about we change it? 

[00:04:19] Dori Durbin: It's interesting because do you refer to that as manifesting? 

[00:04:23] Lum Frundi: I refer to that as manifesting, but I'm a Christian and I studied a Bible a lot too. And I love meditation.

[00:04:32] Lum Frundi: I love, especially the scripture and what it says about guard your hearts with all diligence and stuff. Or I like the one where it's there's one that came to me the other day. But there's certain things that once it happens in life, you're like, Oh gosh, I was really thinking that's where my imagination went. And before you know it, you're manifesting it. Yeah. So yes, it starts from inside to outside. 

[00:04:57] Dori Durbin: And I think that's where your frustration with the [00:05:00] habits probably really shows up too, because you're like, okay, if you're thinking that, and then you're also doing these other things.

[00:05:07] Dori Durbin: Yeah. That you know you shouldn't do because of your genetics, your history, that you're worried about your feelings from both 

[00:05:13] Dori Durbin: sides, right? 

[00:05:14] Lum Frundi: From both sides, and you're modeling it for your kids. So I do a lot of talk about you as a parent is you're a leader and your kids are going to follow what you're saying and what you're doing.

[00:05:26] Lum Frundi: So a lot of times I'll get a parent who's so anxious Oh my gosh, this kid is so anxious. I'm not sure why they're so anxious. And I'm looking at her. I'm like, you're making me anxious right now. 

[00:05:38] Lum Frundi: Why is she getting anxious? Oh no. It's I don't know where they got it from, I'm looking at it like, I don't know where. But I have fun with it too. It's really no judgment, but really more so awareness, because a lot of times we're not [00:06:00] aware. Of of certain behaviors or certain patterns until you have kids and they start leaving it out.

[00:06:07] Lum Frundi: So I usually say your kids are your mirror. If you look at that kid, they're expressing those emotions that you may be holding it. So a lot of times, and I see that with my kids too, sometimes she is just all over the place. I'm like, why are you just focus already. But usually I, my mind is like, Oh my gosh, I have a lot to do.

[00:06:27] Lum Frundi: I didn't plan my week. I didn't do this. And the kid is just bouncing off, then mirror it in so many ways. So there's certain things that, Oh, it's my I want this kid to be better and stuff. I'm like, start with you. You can start back by really looking at yourself, looking at your kid. And once they exhibit a behavior, find it, look for that behavior in you and start by adjusting it.

[00:06:49] Lum Frundi: And they'll follow. Once you start changing, you see them Oh, this is how it's supposed to be done. And then I'm going to do it. And I'm like, yay, we did it. All right. [00:07:00] What next can we change? 

[00:07:02] Dori Durbin: So do you feel like there's an age limit to that change? If you had a 20 year old, a 19 year old and they can do you think they're still capable of making the change through you?

[00:07:12] Lum Frundi: I think so. So it's, and it's different, right? It's very different at each age and it's different with each kid. Like my two kids, are very different personalities. My six year old loves all the attention. She wants to hang out. She wants to play. She wants me time. My 19 year old is leave me alone.

[00:07:35] Lum Frundi: Don't talk to me. I want to be by myself. I like peace and quiet and stuff, but it's just keeping that door open. Where. I am here when you need me and she knows I don't have to text her every time I don't have to call her every day and stuff, but it should be like, how are you? Hey, are you good? It could be that simple, [00:08:00] but then know that if they have a decision that they have to make, they can trust that.

[00:08:04] Lum Frundi: You're there to give them some kind of alternatives or options without pushing my agenda on her. Cause I had to learn that. So yes, if depending on your relationship with them, but the whole idea is nurture that trust. Once you've nurtured the trust, when they're older, I have to trust the fact that I've taught you everything I have to give and I'll allow you to make the mistakes for your life, but I'm here.

[00:08:33] Lum Frundi: Whenever you need me, I'm here. If want to make a decision, you want to talk, I'll just listen it's understanding the kid. And I think most people, what they want is knowing that they have that person. To go to they have that person that sometimes I just want to talk and just let it out I'm just there to listen. I  hear you. 

[00:08:57] Dori Durbin: So what are the worst Habits that [00:09:00] people allow the family to fall into that really lead to the most devastation later So for instance, you know is Snacking while watching TV.

[00:09:09] Dori Durbin: Maybe that's doesn't seem like that bad of a situation, but maybe doing it over time and getting into obesity might be an issue. What are some of those things that you see in your practice?

[00:09:21] Lum Frundi: There are a lot, but I want to say it's relationship. Yeah. I know I talk a lot about habits with snacking and lack of sleep and stuff, but it all starts ultimately with relationship where if we do not have a good identity with ourselves, we don't impact those relational skills with our kids if.

[00:09:48] Lum Frundi: I'm not able to communicate how I feel. I may just. Get back home at night. Just lay in front of the tv. I'm tired. I just snack throughout the day why am I doing that? Did I overexert [00:10:00] myself? Am I exhausted? Am I Just drained where i'm looking for something to Fill in that void that can only be felt filled in with connection.

[00:10:13] Lum Frundi: So I feel like it starts from It's, I know it's a different take, but it starts from that, like that relationship because we're built for connection, we're built for relationships and once it's broken, we figure out, we try to find other ways to cope and oftentimes we cope by just. Snacking or grabbing anything because the sugars are rewarding.

[00:10:34] Lum Frundi: Is that quick fix reward and we just sit there or we just run through? Netflix series is where it's just it just takes me away, right? It's I don't have to think about it, but I can sit there and just be distracted away from what is really going on with me. And then I have that quick fix.

[00:10:51] Lum Frundi: And then I'm. Good until the next day, but the core of it is usually the relationship part, which is why [00:11:00] I talk to parents a lot because that core relationship, whether it's a parent child relationship, or even having that one person regardless if your parent is not there, or just that one person that you can. Just connect to 

[00:11:14] Dori Durbin: that's so good because  I think so many problems. We try to fix ourselves, but we don't even know that we're trying, it's just like this anxiety that builds up in your system. And so you're trying to quiet whatever the anxiety is not even paying attention to what's really at the root of what's going on.

[00:11:28] Lum Frundi: Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. And also, because, as. Things are changing every day. Life as it is right now for adults or for parents, it's very different than it was three years ago. Life as it, it was, as we were growing up, it's very different where sometimes we want to get stuck in Oh, when we were growing up, we didn't have to do this, the kids were listening to their parents, this kids, this they are just.

[00:11:58] Lum Frundi: However you want to [00:12:00] say it, but we forget that the challenges that they're facing today are just different. They, they're faced with a lot of distractions. They're faced, they're bombarded by information from everywhere. We had limits. We didn't have phones to distract us. We didn't have tv or any of that stuff.

[00:12:18] Lum Frundi: Our parents could install in us Whatever they wanted to install In us and we took it as a gospel truth, right? It's like this is it This is how it works, but there was no nothing else to come in there and object to That idea, because they can like, Oh, this is how we do things. And that's how it goes.

[00:12:35] Lum Frundi: It's just yeah, that's how life is. But now they're able to challenge it because they're getting information from everywhere. And sometimes we take it as they're challenging what we're saying, but we can either flip it and say change of perspective, broadening perspective. Maybe we can try that.

[00:12:51] Lum Frundi: Maybe we can try that. And everything is not a failure. It's just progress, right? 

[00:12:56] Dori Durbin: Yeah, you think sometimes that puts pressure on [00:13:00] parents too, because Their kids can find out all this information and the parents feel like maybe they are supposed to know all this stuff themselves without looking it all up,

[00:13:09] Lum Frundi: yeah, there is a lot of pressure to on the parents because now you can see perfection everywhere. Oh my gosh. I wish I, my kids went to that school or look like that or behave like that. So it puts a lot of pressure to either strive for perfection or this perfect parenting and stuff. But I also want to say that your kid. Was uniquely created for you. You have what it takes for that kid. And that's why I say it's the mirror.

[00:13:39] Lum Frundi: Sometimes if they're showing you something, it's just to sit back and listen. Yeah. And like, why sometimes just okay, why, what is this? Why are you showing me this? What can I learn from my kid? My kid puts me in place all the time. Both [00:14:00] of them in their own ways, right? There, that is your kid for a reason.

[00:14:05] Lum Frundi: And you are equipped to take care of that particular kid. It's just for you to become aware that you have what it takes to nurture and to love that kid. the way they were uniquely created to be nurtured. 

[00:14:19] Dori Durbin: That's awesome. And if you're already a perfectionist, that just is amplified by all of this stuff that you can see. And it feels like you should be perfect all the time, but I don't know any perfect parents. I barely know people who consider themselves good parents in the sense that they're always making the right decisions. I think we make lots of bad ones and every once in a while we're like, yeah, I did good. 

[00:14:39] Lum Frundi: Yeah, and somehow it changes because when they're babies, you celebrate everything like, oh, the smile. Oh, you said your first word. Oh, you took your first step. And it's just like small things that you celebrate it. And then we get to a point. It's don't do that. Don't touch that. And it changes.

[00:14:59] Lum Frundi: But it's just like [00:15:00] with all of those things, those are all ways of communicating where even if we get to that stage where it's a tabla who is just constantly having tantrums and stuff, it's like that's their way of communicating. They don't know the words. And they will yell, they will scream, they will move.

[00:15:18] Lum Frundi: And that's another reason why I like the routines, because then you have to start being like, okay, why are you screaming? Are you, is it, is this like a problem we have during a transition period, that's usually typically the time. Oh, is it that I changed your routine without really, communicating that change and you're expecting one thing and I'm giving you another one.

[00:15:41] Lum Frundi: So sometimes it's just okay, why are we doing that? And I'll give an example of my kid with daycare last two, three, four years ago now, where after daycare, whenever I picked her up from daycare, she was always hungry. So for the first few times, it's ah, I'm hungry, mommy, I'm hungry.

[00:15:58] Lum Frundi: So it's like screaming all the way [00:16:00] home. So I had to change it where I'll take her, I'll take a snack for her, either grapes or fruits or something in there. So once, whenever I got there, here's your snack. We had a quiet ride home. Now, one day I forgot. She did not find me. But do I yell at her for screaming?

[00:16:19] Lum Frundi: I'm sorry, baby. Mommy forgot. That was my fault. Then that, that we're humans. We're all going to make mistakes. Mommy forgets sometimes and it's okay. And stuff, so it's with every tantrum or with every adversity. It's once you are vulnerable and you tell them that I forgot and I'm sorry. It's okay to be sad when you feel or to cry when you feel sad and stuff and they realize that mommy's not perfect.

[00:16:45] Lum Frundi: I don't have to be perfect. Mommy makes mistakes. Sometimes it's okay to make mistakes. Now, what do you do after the mistakes? You clean it up, right? Or figure out how to repair it. Or if I make a spill, I don't have to, I don't, I'd never tell her [00:17:00] now, oh, go clean up after yourself. It's already routine. It's okay, it's okay to spill.

[00:17:04] Lum Frundi: We're not going to yell fuss about it. Just look for that mop and start cleaning. And let's expect it. And so there are those things where the kids. Once you have that consistency, once that expectation is there, it's easier. And life goes everywhere where I don't expect, when I say consistency, it doesn't mean that everything is the same every single day.

[00:17:29] Lum Frundi: It means that say, Yesterday per se, my schedule is all over the place. By the way I work some days. I may work Monday, Wednesday, the next day I may work Tuesday, Thursday and stuff. If it's a day that I am not picking her up from school, I communicate with her early. Mommy has to work today. So grandma is going to pick you up from school.

[00:17:51] Lum Frundi: You're going to go to ASP today. So there's that expectation because you know that. There is going to be a change in the routine, but I'm communicating it to [00:18:00] you early. That way you have the right expectations. Now you go to school, you're on the pickup line and mommy is not there, or they're telling me I have to go to ASB and I'm just wailing screaming because I don't know the need to know that they're secure that mommy is always going to be there because you're there for that person.

[00:18:20] Dori Durbin: That's so true. I think when you're talking about habits too, like it doesn't have to be exactly the same. That's for most people. I think the majority of the parents, I know there's always something going on .  And yeah, where the communication comes in is so key. If they don't know what's going on, of course they're going to, you would freak out if you didn't know what was going on. 

[00:18:39] Dori Durbin: Okay. So with habits one thing that I thought about was what if I'm a parent who is the habits we have are just what they have to be for us to survive but maybe these habits aren't things that are benefiting the family, what argument would you have with them as far as like why they would need to change the habits that they're more [00:19:00] positive or healthy for their kids?

[00:19:03] Lum Frundi: I'll ask about how is that habit serving you right now? Yeah, so if that's how you think it should be, how's that serving you? What reward are you getting from that habit? If you like the results you're getting and then that's fine But if you feel like if there is some slight chance that habit may be hurting Rather than serving you, if that habit may be causing more harm to you, it may be a time to see, what are the options do I have available with my current schedule?

[00:19:39] Lum Frundi: Because again, that usually comes because we feel like we have to be the same person every season. But every season changes where I may have a habit that may serve me in one season, but there may come a different season that requires something else of me. So I have to [00:20:00] be able to be aware of that and acknowledge that and change.

[00:20:05] Dori Durbin: That's awesome. Yeah, I love it. That's so simple and clear. You can weigh it out, then it would make sense to do the change versus forcing you to do a change. 

[00:20:17] Lum Frundi: Correct. Correct. Because it's just Oh, my kid does not like water. They're not going to drink water. We don't drink, we don't drink water. They say juice is good. And that's from this, again, advertising all the stuff that comes with the distractions and the information that you have to see through as a parent, it's overwhelming. If you go through kids out, I don't know how many kinds of, and everybody's labeling it healthy.

[00:20:48] Lum Frundi: So in your mind, you're like but I'm giving my kid a hundred percent. Juice. It says it's 100 percent and it's good for them. So you can maybe stuck in that mindset that this is what's good and [00:21:00] this is what's best for my kid right now. And I'm doing what's best for them. But then it's going back in there.

[00:21:06] Lum Frundi: How about reading the label and seeing what's there? They may, it may be a hundred percent that They have to add something in there to make it preserve to preserve it for the shelf life, right? There's usually added sugar in there. Let's look at how the sugar is serving you and even selling in where it's okay, if you start introducing water right now, maybe you're not going to have this problem when you're a teenager and then you're trying to get them to drink water, but they're used to this juice for their entire lives.

[00:21:36] Lum Frundi: So it's just, there's so many things where we're doing and we're really convinced that we're doing the best. until someone really points it out to you like, Oh, maybe this is not the best way. Or maybe there's an alternative. Maybe there are other options to do it. And maybe the downturn effects of what we're doing right now may not really serve us down the line.

[00:21:56] Dori Durbin: You you brought up sugar. I have to ask you this. [00:22:00] We have so many holidays that celebrate with sugar. Yes. I was told a long time ago, and I think this is true, you can redirect us if not. That the more sugar you have, the more compromised your immune system becomes, and it makes you more able to catch things. Your kids, your family are sicker throughout the year kind of thing. Is that true? 

[00:22:20] Lum Frundi: It is true. It is true because sugar usually when you have a lot of sugar, it goes to increase inflammation. Remember like when they said COVID, there's all this. stuff about inflammation and stuff. So once the inflammation, if it's high, that really suppresses your immune system that suppresses your fight.

[00:22:40] Lum Frundi: So I usually say with the sugars. It's like you going in there and blocking, how do I put it, it's like you suppressing your immune system and then you send your kids to school where they're exposed to a lot of germs. Guess what's going to happen? They're going to end up with colds. They're going [00:23:00] to end up with whatever is going around.

[00:23:02] Lum Frundi: My kid happens to catch it. I don't know why. What are they eating? What's a typical breakfast, right? Especially breakfast. Yeah. And not only that with inflammation too, most kids, the way their bodies respond to sugar is different from us, it gives you that, that boost of energy and you will see kids, the behavior, they're just hyper.

[00:23:27] Lum Frundi: I had a sleep patient one day. I've seen this baby from, I've seen this kid from birth all the way, and I happened to have a visit with her. It was a sick visit, early morning visit, and mom was running late, gave her a bowl of cereal, and that's all the kid ate, and she got into the office, and she could not sit still.

[00:23:45] Lum Frundi: I'm like, what happened? This is not her. What did she eat? Cereal. What was in the cereal? A lot of sugar, but poor kid will jump on my body, jump on mom, jump on the table, jump off the table and stuff. But I know this kid, I know [00:24:00] she's not hyperactive, but the only thing that changed in her schedule, she did dry breakfast because that was just quick and easy.

[00:24:09] Dori Durbin: Yeah, to be able to see that difference night and day like that's, did that convince the mom that wasn't the best plan for her? Yeah.

[00:24:14] Lum Frundi: Yeah, so yeah, sugar will raise inflammation, increase your risk of of getting infections because it suppresses the immune system, but also for kids, they're very sensitive to it and it can get them where they're super hyper because of all of that energy.

[00:24:32] Dori Durbin: I also thought of my kids. We were talking earlier. My kids are older, but I remember trying to pack really healthy lunches and the lunches would come home and it looked like they were opened and picked at and then closed. And so they weren't starving, the kids weren't, they weren't saying I'm so hungry.

[00:24:48] Dori Durbin: So finally I was, I asked, what is going on at school? Oh, so and so shared their chips with me, and so gave me this, and so gave me that. So they were, like, literally a la carte ing off of other people's lunches [00:25:00] because they didn't want to eat what was in the lunch that I prepared for them.

[00:25:02] Dori Durbin: How do you handle stuff like that? 

[00:25:05] Lum Frundi: I control what's in my house. I control what's within my control. And then Allow them to be regular kids and negotiating when they're in school. I can get this, I can get that, and encourage it, right? Because there's only so much you can do as a parent.

[00:25:23] Lum Frundi: So I usually tell parents also pick your battles. And that comes with the holidays too. That comes with the Halloween and Thanksgiving and all of that stuff. It's just, it's once a year, twice a year. Be a kid. That's absolutely fine. Now, do I buy candy during Halloween and hand it out? No, I don't, but I know she's going to get it from school, but it's gotten to the point where now she doesn't, she's not really a big, it's just the whole hype and the joy about sharing and exchanging and stuff.

[00:25:54] Lum Frundi: Half of it goes out to the trash at the end of the day. So I don't take that joy [00:26:00] away. I don't take that experience away from them, but I control what I can control in the house. Oh, 

[00:26:06] Dori Durbin: that's great advice, because otherwise I think it'd be a losing battle if you're constantly trying to negotiate with them. If you're like ordering and trading, that's good, right? 

[00:26:15] Lum Frundi: So I know it's because it's not the thing you do one time, it's the thing that you do consistently over time that makes a difference. So if you were to have a piece of chocolate or a piece of cake, once a month, absolutely fine.

[00:26:29] Lum Frundi: But if you're having a muffin and chocolate cake every morning, that's different, right? I know that when you come in my house, I don't have a lot of chips or there's certain things that I really make sure I don't have because I know When especially my six year old, I know that when she's out there, she gets it right.

[00:26:52] Lum Frundi: And that eases the relationship with other people, right? That gives her the freedom to be able to say, I can [00:27:00] give, I can receive from other people. I can negotiate to get what I want. I can ask for what I want. So it goes through different levels where there's going to be a time where I'm not going to be here, but I trust that you're able to make certain decisions, what's best for you.

[00:27:15] Lum Frundi: The other thing I try to teach them to try to get, know your body and know how your body responds to the food you eat, right? Because sometimes if you're, we have, my tummy hurts mommy, that's because he ate a lot of candy today. I think, can't eating too much candy may not be a good idea, right?

[00:27:34] Lum Frundi: Yeah. So next time, how about we eat only one or two instead of the whole package, right? So you're now putting that together okay, if I eat this, I may not feel good. Or my body really tells me or gives me information as to certain choices that I make, especially about what I'm putting inside. 

[00:27:54] Dori Durbin: And it's probably more aware, too, if you're full or if you're just grazing, like we were talking about at the beginning, too, if [00:28:00] you're paying attention to how you feel after you eat, right?

[00:28:02] Lum Frundi: And that comes through with the habits as far as eating. Let's say with eating habits, I usually would start with, again, start with where you are. What do you want from this? Is this a problem where my kid is a picky eater, half of the time they're drinking juice and milk throughout the day, and that fills them up.

[00:28:19] Lum Frundi: Where even if I presented a healthy meal to them, they'll look at them like, oh, I don't want it because guess what? I'm not hungry. Anyways, it's not gonna take away from me, right? There's no incentive to try it So it's just starting out with what's where is? the calorie coming from and start reducing certain things.

[00:28:38] Lum Frundi: And once you start reducing and adding structure, it takes time, but I usually say one at a time and celebrate every week. Oh, you ate one carrot today. That is amazing. Tomorrow we might try a strawberry and I don't expect that if let's say a pea, I'm introducing something like a pea, if that's the first time I'm introducing.

[00:28:59] Lum Frundi: I have [00:29:00] very minimal expectations there because this is something foreign. I usually relate it to let's say you went to a foreign country and to put some weird stuff in your plate, you're going to have exactly the same reaction. You're like, what is this? And someone is flossing. You have to eat it.

[00:29:19] Lum Frundi: You had the choice. We wouldn't, we would not touch it. You're like, you have to eat it and finish it. And you're looking at the person like this is abuse. But we go into our kids, my kid is looking at it like, this is so foreign to me. I can't possibly put that in my mouth. And so I even don't expect them to shove up a whole plate of peas, but just to look at it.

[00:29:43] Lum Frundi: It's not me putting it in your plate and saying, eat it, clean up your plate. But we're trying this together. Touch it. Tell me what you feel, what it feels like. Taste it. What do you smell and stuff? Do you think you like it? What kind of stuff do you like because you have to get to know the kid, too Everybody's [00:30:00] different their taste preferences are different and stuff like that But as you do that you get to understand the preferences the texture preferences Do I like things sour or sweet or everybody's you know?

[00:30:12] Lum Frundi: So as you start doing that and you introduce it's making them more like you start with anything including the habits It's uncomfortable, but until you start really doing it every day, I'm like, I can do this. Oh, this tastes good. Oh, this gets better. Oh, this is easy. It's how we do things now. I 

[00:30:33] Dori Durbin: was just thinking that probably relates to activity and exercise too, right?

[00:30:37] Lum Frundi: You can start the same way. Yes, we start the same way and I like activities with kids because play is, it's really an important part of the development that it's not just, oh, they're playing, but play is really important. It brings out their creativity, brings out who they are, what they are, and it gets them active too.

[00:30:58] Lum Frundi: So it's besides the [00:31:00] activities, the creativity, if they're in a team. It's like learning how to take turns. There's so many things that go into play whether it's at school or with team. So even at home, that may be your time to bond with your kid. That may be your time to get to know and connect with your kid and create certain memories because at the end of the day, all Once they grow up, I don't think they remember what they wore or what they ate for Christmas, but they remember those memories.

[00:31:27] Lum Frundi: So this is the time to really connect with them because as when they grow up, And then we're like, how are you? Can you come spend time with me? I'm busy, mommy. 

[00:31:41] Dori Durbin: It's funny to listen to this too, because you made me go back to a memory I had of my kids when they were really little. We used to walk around this pond and we'd look at all the flowers. And like at the time, it felt like it took us forever to walk this quarter mile like literally an hour and a half to walk it. As they've gotten older, a lot of the observations I've made [00:32:00] then are still true now. They've just developed and changed obviously, it's, it was time that you don't realize what an impression it makes on you, but also the opportunity for them to explore and just to see what they love.

[00:32:14] Dori Durbin: And that's huge. And they're tired and take naps really well after that. 

[00:32:17] Lum Frundi: Exactly. And they want to be, they want to have that connection with you and it's so busy. You get up, you go to work, you pick them up, you come back and you're rushing. You want to make dinner and stuff. It's so easy to go through your entire parenting journey without really, Sitting.

[00:32:38] Lum Frundi: Oh, sitting long enough to see your kid. Oh, even have that connection with them. And I see that a lot too where it's just but I provide for them. I give them what they need. I give them, they have a house. They have something to wear. They have all of this. I don't know what they want from me.

[00:32:54] Lum Frundi: They want you. We miss out on that emotional aspect of wellbeing [00:33:00] where we think, Oh, it's just a physical and then that's it. But there's an emotional part of it that is extremely important too. So that's where play comes in. You can put everything together. We're playing together. We're dancing. And together we're singing or we're creating something together and it could be 10 minutes a day or 30 minutes a day so it doesn't have to be like a an extended period of time but if my kid or if your kid knows that I am important enough where even though mommy is busy she can shut down the computer and her phone and spend 30 minutes with me, it's just Oh, I get that connection.

[00:33:41] Lum Frundi: And next day I get the connection. The next day I get the connection. This kid is secure enough to know that I have a mother who is consistent and connects with me. So when I tell my kid, give me two minutes, I'm busy. I'll be with you in 30 minutes. Guess what? The kid is going to trust that you will [00:34:00] be there in 30 minutes and they'll sit there and wait for you.

[00:34:05] Dori Durbin: well and I'm thinking to some of the insecurities that we have as parents sometimes are maybe because we feel like there is that missing back to your connection piece. You feel in your heart that you're not connected in the way that you really are meant to be or really want to be.

[00:34:20] Dori Durbin: So you know that you're missing something, but maybe you can't identify it. Maybe that's part of it. 

[00:34:25] Lum Frundi: And it's, it comes in different degrees either based on how we were, we our parents treated us, or the kind of household we grew up in, or our ideas. Of parenting or the environment where we are, the friends or the people we're talking to, we end up doing the same things and experiencing the same things because we're confirming to each other that's, this is what's going on and stuff.

[00:34:50] Lum Frundi: If we're all thinking, oh, my parent did this, I would never do it and stuff, you end up going out really guarded, right? I'm not I'm [00:35:00] going at it from a different point where I'm not going to let my kids. But you're forgetting why. Yeah, that may be because of what you experience, and this kid has nothing to do with it.

[00:35:14] Lum Frundi: So it's first really it starts with us, the parent, if I can find a way to connect with myself. If I can find a way to be vulnerable, if I can find a way to know and be secure in who I am, then it's easy because then when I'm parenting my kid, it's not about me, I'm the boss or the head of this household and you're right here.

[00:35:40] Lum Frundi: No, we're right here and it's okay. I can't be vulnerable with you. I'm sorry, baby. I didn't know that. Mommy has, I have no idea how to fix that problem right now. I don't know what happened. Yeah. 

[00:35:57] Dori Durbin: But then it's back to that reliability and that [00:36:00] openness and that emotional that you're showing that you're human to them again.

[00:36:04] Dori Durbin: So yeah, that makes all the sense in the world being vulnerable. 

[00:36:07] Lum Frundi: Yes. 

[00:36:08] Dori Durbin: Talk to me a little bit about sleep. Stress, how those contribute to wellness and health of the family. I know they both do sleep. Sleep is I dare to say is. Sleep is more important than most of the other aspects because sleep is a time when your body rests.

[00:36:29] Lum Frundi: Sleep is the time when it heals itself and it really helps especially when you're stressed out. I've used this example in one of my videos. Videos where I said it's just like when you go to the grocery store or to any store, right? Even a clothing store and stuff the shutdown and when it closed the doors did whoever is there The attendants go in there and put everything in place and organize it so that when you're coming in the next morning It's easy you can figure out where if anything is you can pick up what you need if you need a [00:37:00] size six or size This I need this it's exactly where it needs to be But if that store stayed open 24, 48 hours and there's no one to go in there, there's no downtime to go in there and reorganize, everything will be out of place, right?

[00:37:16] Lum Frundi: Everything is scattered and you can't find anything. So imagine that you have no space. sleep. Your thoughts are not organized. You're already in a place of overwhelm. You can't make decisions that are right. We end up taking two hours to make one decision that you would have probably done it in five minutes if you were rested.

[00:37:36] Lum Frundi: So when we're already overwhelmed and then there's stress and then there are things I have to do and it's just, the list goes on. And then if there's any kind of infection, guess what? Your body's already in a place of high inflammation that you end up getting even. stress. You have headaches, I have tummy ache and all of that stuff that goes again.

[00:37:55] Lum Frundi: It's like a vicious cycle. And when I'm counseling a lot of [00:38:00] either parents or kids, I usually, if they're not getting enough sleep or we don't, Oh, it was like, Oh, I don't have time for sleep. I will deal with the sleep before I deal with the nutrition. Yeah. Because if I'm only getting four hours of sleep the sleep affects what you eat because if I'm getting four hours of sleep, then I'm probably surviving on caffeine and you're craving more.

[00:38:26] Lum Frundi: You tend to eat all the high sugar stuff because your body is craving something for energy. So I may have a big muffin cause I need that sugar rush. I need that energy to get going. And then by the time I get to the end of the day, I've had, yes, I've survived, but on a lot of caffeine, a lot of sugar, and a lot of things that are not necessarily working for me.

[00:38:49] Lum Frundi: And then I've. But I don't have time to spend with my kids because it just takes me that much time to organize my thoughts and my activities throughout the day. 

[00:38:58] Dori Durbin: So you're not going to [00:39:00] sleep either because you had all that caffeine again. 

[00:39:02] Lum Frundi: Correct. And then I get to the bed and I'm laying there like I'm still wired up and my mind is racing.

[00:39:07] Lum Frundi: I'm thinking about all the things I didn't do the day before or what I've done or the mess I made. And then I'm cleaning up. So it's this vicious cycle. So sleep is really, it's really important in so many ways. So when it comes to sleep routines, I usually talk again back to routines, right? Where if caffeine is a problem, because a lot of people don't realize it because when you take caffeine after a certain time of the day, it will affect your sleep.

[00:39:34] Lum Frundi: So if you're someone who is having a hard time falling asleep, start out with your dinner. What do you eat for dinner? What are you drinking throughout the day? There was another patient I had where it's my kid does not sleep. But what they were drinking for dinner is iced tea. I'm in Georgia.

[00:39:49] Lum Frundi: I feel ah, iced tea here. And the tea had caffeine in it. And no wonder the kid cannot sleep. So really going back to start assessing what am I having for dinner? There are certain things that are [00:40:00] better digested when you're going to sleep. If you're having a heavy meal, like an hour before going to sleep your body may be working on digestion and just, Interferes with your sleep.

[00:40:09] Lum Frundi: So you may have to push your eating time a little bit earlier if you have that luxury or that Ability to do it or just change it out where you're having your lightest meal at night time with some kind of protein Or fiber and stuff. So the fiber and the protein are heavy enough to carry you through the night But not too much of the carbs and stuff in there So switching things around instead of drinking juice and stuff just drink water before you go to sleep You Sometimes even wine.

[00:40:39] Lum Frundi: I have this habit where I'm like I get back home. It's a long day I have a glass of wine. I sit in front of the couch I take that light tiny nap and then I finally wake up and I get to bed and I can't go to sleep All of that is interrupting your sleep too. So it's just really Having some kind of a routine that is relaxing, right?

[00:40:58] Lum Frundi: Starting with dinner time [00:41:00] and after dinner time, maybe homework for kids, depending if you have kids who need homework, or you can even get your kids. I say, get your kids. Your kids are there to support you. We do it together. Cause it's I have to do all of this.

[00:41:12] Lum Frundi: I'm like, no, we're going to eat together. We're close. cleaning up this table together. We're washing together. We're doing this because again, I can't do it for you all the time because when you grow up, you're not going to do it for yourself and expecting someone else to do it for you. I have to teach you how to do it.

[00:41:29] Lum Frundi: Yes. It's going to be messy. Yes. Sometimes it's easier if I just do it. But then again, that's another connection time. And believe it or not, when you stop or slow down to teach the kid or connect with them, it's relaxing too. It helps, where it's just it puts it pauses on everything you need to do, but you're giving and it's relaxing.

[00:41:51] Lum Frundi: And whether you want to try other relaxation activities, maybe yoga or just different things that are going to help you relax. At nighttime before going to [00:42:00] sleep the bedroom environment is important too. Yeah. If you have TVs or electronics, of course, that light interferes with your sleep cycle and stuff, right?

[00:42:11] Lum Frundi: So you want to shut it down at least an hour before bedtime. If if the room is not dark enough, that could interfere, especially if you maybe want to put dark night shades or put one of those night shades over your eyes to go to So it just depends if the temperature is too hot, I see that a lot where like kids who go to sleep and they keep waking up in the middle of the night, especially with babies, we try to bundle them up, excuse me, because we're like, Oh, my baby's too cold.

[00:42:39] Lum Frundi: And the poor kids have like heat rashes on their head and around their necks and they can't sleep at night. I'm like, it's too hot. So that would interfere with the sleep too. 

[00:42:49] Dori Durbin: It's interesting you brought that up because one of the questions I had was, how can you help? Maybe it's your kid. Maybe it's you, but decompress quick. So that you can sleep because [00:43:00] sometimes that anxiety in your mind or just in your body is so big that you lay down and it seems like it just, it's like blowing off your body.

[00:43:08] Dori Durbin: It's magnifying because you're trying to sleep, right? 

[00:43:11] Lum Frundi: Yeah, journaling. If it's the anxiety, I usually say just journal down those thoughts, right? Because they're in there and your body, your mind is trying to figure it out or put it together and stuff. Yeah. So maybe that may be something that you add onto your sleep schedule where maybe after you get your kids to bed and stuff, you can just journal and journaling talking to parents or even kids over time, if that's your first time, it may be like, I don't know what to write.

[00:43:40] Lum Frundi: You don't have to be all elaborate. It doesn't have to be perfect. It could just be a list. You could just okay, this thought popped in my mind. I'm just going to write it down. I don't have to make it a complete sentence because then it's another. Stress and oh my gosh, I don't know what to write.

[00:43:54] Lum Frundi: What am I going to do about this? So you can just it could be a list of things as it comes to your mind or just [00:44:00] write it down Oh, I didn't do that. Okay, i'll write it down. And just write down what comes in Another thing is that I like to do is I like reflective thinking at the end of the day Where I let my day run by Gratitude.

[00:44:14] Lum Frundi: Yeah, what are three things i'm grateful for today? You And how did my day go? What did I really do right? What did I want to do that I didn't do? And I'll put it down. I can do it tomorrow. It's okay. Yeah, because I don't think there are days that there's so many days are like, ah, I didn't finish everything I needed to do today, but it's okay.

[00:44:37] Lum Frundi: I'll just make sure I do it tomorrow. Put it on the list for the next day and stuff. Or what happened that I didn't do it? Did I, was I distracted somewhere? Did I end up Scrolling on Facebook or doing something else and no judgment there because sometimes I could go on Facebook to post something and then before I know it, it's been an [00:45:00] hour of you scrolling. Okay. How did I get there? So it's just figuring out again, every day is learning. It's like when you pay attention to, okay, what am I grateful for?

[00:45:12] Lum Frundi: How did my day go? Why didn't I do what I said I was going to do? What were the distractions? How can I switch my schedule around so that it doesn't go that way anymore?

[00:45:23] Dori Durbin: That's awesome. It sounds simple when you talk about it.

[00:45:26] Lum Frundi: And that's the whole aim because there's a lot of information, there's a lot of things you can do, there are all these things you can do, but once it's simple, it makes it more I can do it. That's the whole idea. I'm like, you can do it. You got this.

[00:45:42] Dori Durbin: You have a group that you've started called Generational Wellbeing.

[00:45:47] Lum Frundi: Yes, so generational well being. So that's what I'm working on right now. So all the information and the content I'm putting it under generational well being and mainly because again [00:46:00] *we have to take care of certain things whether it's the behaviors, whether it's the habits and stuff that maybe we have certain things that we've done to lead us to where we are, and maybe the same things that our parents did to get them to where they are.*

[00:46:15] Lum Frundi: *If we don't start taking or making the changes now, our kids are going to end up with the same diagnosis, with those same behaviors, with those same things that may not be serving us. *So that's why I like the generational, because I'm talking to mothers, but really paying attention that, ah, my dad had diabetes, high blood pressure and stuff.

[00:46:34] Lum Frundi: I don't want it. I want to be the person who stops it from this. That's not what we have anymore. I want to change it where no, we're healthy. We eat healthy in our family. That's what we do, right? Yeah. So changing that culture. 

[00:46:49] Dori Durbin: I love that because it gives us as parents, the ability to make the change to, to make the choice to make the change.

[00:46:57] Lum Frundi: Correct. Correct. Yes. And really [00:47:00] starting from where you are to really understanding that we're all starting from different points, but the whole goal is to create a place where, a safe place where you can be vulnerable enough to say, this is where I am, I need help.

[00:47:14] Lum Frundi: And we provide help. We provide feedback. We help you or help you starting from where you are and give you this personalized. Directions, simple, practical step at a time. It's not the quick fixes. So it's usually, I usually say if you're not ready, it's not, yeah, you have to be ready to be consistent to do it.

[00:47:36] Dori Durbin: So if someone was listening to this podcast and they were motivated to make a change in their family, do you have maybe three easy steps that they can do as soon as they get off the podcast?

[00:47:48] Dori Durbin: Yes. So three easy steps. I will say, start by I will say, start by looking at where you are. If you want to make a change, what changed, what do you expect or what do you want for your health?

[00:47:59] Dori Durbin: What [00:48:00] do you want for your family? What do you want for your relationship? So start with that. Why? Because once I know what I want and why I want it, then I'm able to say, okay, this is what I really want. What can I do to get to where I want? Then you can now make certain changes knowing that there's something I'm working to it.

[00:48:23] Dori Durbin: Knowing why I am doing it because if you don't know why you're doing something, chances are like you're going to quit halfway. If I'm going to the gym just because I want to lose 10 pounds, what happens after you lose 10 pounds? 

[00:48:37] Dori Durbin: Okay. What options are there? I want to sleep. I've been sleeping two hours a night. I've had issues falling asleep and stuff. If that's what you want to do, why do you want it? How's the sleep affecting you right now?

[00:48:51] Dori Durbin: I'm exhausted. I'm reactive. It's just not working out. My relationship with my kids, I don't have a relationship with my kids. [00:49:00] My kids are acting off my life. Chaotic and stuff. I just want some kind of stability and I think the sleep may be the thing affecting it Okay I guess sleep is what we're going to work on because I like to work on one two Maximum three things at a time because when you start taking on too much it can be overwhelming now on the other side, right?

[00:49:22] Dori Durbin: Every day, celebrate the wins. That's the second thing. So if I decide I'm going to start it, understanding that it takes time, but I have to celebrate, Oh, I did it.

[00:49:31] Dori Durbin: We had one, we had dinner at 6 PM today. We all sat down. It didn't, it was awkward, but we did it. That's a good win, right? And it could also be I'm going to have to change the temperature in my room. I may have to block something and I want to say one more other thing. I know I'm going all over the place.

[00:49:49] Dori Durbin: One more thing, right? The sleep part of it, that the mistake people will make is that, If every night I have been sleeping at 2 p 2 a. m. I don't [00:50:00] expect to fall asleep. I'll say, Oh, I'm going to change everything. I'm going to turn everything down and then go to sleep at 9 p. m. Your brain is still wired.

[00:50:08] Dori Durbin: It's going to take you a while, right? It may be okay. I'm used to going to bed at 2 a. m. I may go at one 30 the first night and then one o'clock like gradual changes to the point where you get to that target. So small changes. Just pick one thing and be consistent with it. Yeah, 

[00:50:29] Dori Durbin: I appreciate that because I think that is something somebody would try.

[00:50:34] Lum Frundi: Because you're like, okay, I think sleep is really important. I've been getting two hours of sleep, four hours of sleep. I'm gonna shut everything down. We have dinner. Everybody go to bed. Let's go to sleep. And then you'll just lay there awake and hungry. And then before you know it's like it's not working and then you get back to where you were so just being realistic is it's another thing you have to be realistic for the changes knowing that it's [00:51:00] small, it's gradual, if it's the time. 

[00:51:03] Lum Frundi: So we have dinner. We have some kind of relaxing activity together with exercise though, you want to make sure it's a relaxing exercise activity Nothing too intensive because if it's intensive that will really interfere with your sleep you maybe have dinner Walk around the neighborhood with your kids or your family and stuff.

[00:51:24] Lum Frundi: Take it nice and slow because that walking outside air is very refreshing, it's relaxing. So anything that will help you get you away from that sympathetic state, that fight or flight, that active into a parasympathetic state, that is rest and relax, that will help you sleep too. 

[00:51:42] Dori Durbin: Those are great suggestions and things people can do.

[00:51:45] Dori Durbin: There are functional things you can do and you get more time with your family on top of that. 

[00:51:48] Lum Frundi: As you start doing that it becomes second nature because we're creatures of habit too you're not thinking about it. It reduces the number of decisions you have to make each day I don't have to wake up in the morning and [00:52:00] think oh, how am I going to get my hair done today?

[00:52:04] Lum Frundi: Oh, what am I going to wear tomorrow and stuff you start planning where okay, this is what I wear for I do Like I have this hairstyle because I don't have to do anything that's not a decision I get to make each day. It is done, right? You start making certain decisions like what else can I do today?

[00:52:21] Lum Frundi: If you already have everything, there's so many decisions you don't have to make. Everybody in the household knows you wake up in the morning, you make up. I'm not telling you to do it because it's already routine. We all know where we're going. We all know what time we're going. If there's a change in it, we're communicating to each other. And the kids love routine too, whether we know it or not. Most kids, actually all kids love routine because again, it communicates to them that security.

[00:52:48] Dori Durbin: Awesome. 

[00:52:51] Dori Durbin: I know that people are going to want to reach out to you and get more information and they're probably going to want to know a little bit more about your program. So where can they go to find you the [00:53:00] easiest? 

[00:53:00] Lum Frundi: I am on Facebook and Instagram. It's at DrLoneMD. com. Oh, I also have a Facebook group, Generational Wellbeing.

[00:53:10] Lum Frundi: You can DM me, or you can send me an email at loom at drlummd. com and it's easier that way because once I put out the program information, all, everything is going to be on there. And also the YouTube at drlummd. com. Yeah. YouTube at drlummd. 

[00:53:31] Dori Durbin: Perfect. Perfect. Dr. Lum, thank you so much for your time today.

[00:53:35] Dori Durbin: This was awesome. We had so many great pieces of wisdom and you're just great to talk to. Thank you. Thank you. It was amazing. I loved every bit of it.